Lady Gaga's New Boyfriend's Ex-Girlfriend is a Confirmed Liar

It sucks breaking up. EVEN when you're leaving an emotionally abusive "bad romance" with a person with so much baggage that Luggage Guy Trent couldn't carry it all out in three shows...its still hard. 

What's even harder is when that person blocks you online post-breakup. That same person you spent years pillow talking with, sharing your inner vulnerabilities, only to have them exploited and weaponized in a nasty fight over lemons at the grocery store, has decided they no longer want you to even have an inkling of what they're up to. 

Gotta be tough. 

That's what happened to Lindsay Crouse, or Lady Gaga's current boyfriend's ex-girlfriend. Lindsay recently wrote an opinion piece in the NY Times discussing what it's like to watch her ex, date Lady Gaga. The statement below really highlights not only her delusion but also her ability to effortlessly lie online. 

I don’t follow my ex on social media. We were “friends” on Facebook. Then we were “in a relationship” on Facebook. After we broke up, I noticed I was “blocked” on Facebook. And then we moved on. 

Correction. He moved on, Lindsay. You wanted to stay connected and he was like, "nah, bitch you crazy". Or maybe he was just protecting you from the pain of watching him date, find love and enter this dimension we call, "temporary relationship bliss". Either way, you blocked. 

But that's not the point of this story. The point of the story is to call out the lies. On one hand, she tells us to be honest with ourselves:

If you’ve ever googled an ex’s new partner (be honest) you’ve probably played a certain game with yourself. You’re either just curious — which is healthy of you — or you want to know how you compare.

BTW I like how she implies internet stalking is healthy behavior… Yes, Lindsay, actively googling another woman out of sheer voyeurism or to toxically compare yourself to her… is exactly what healthy people do. Looking at what she looks like in a bathing suit and zooming in on her recent photos to see if her eyes "look happy" and wondering whether he's happy with her and not you… is TOTALLY healthy.

On the other hand, she executes one of the more blatant and obvious lies I've read in 2020. 

So first, she states she hasn't googled her ex at all (really). 

I hadn’t googled him in forever (I promise). But this month I knew everything about his new relationship status, within hours of when it was disclosed.

and later, she confesses to voraciously consuming her friends' ex's new family photos on the gram or wherever this US weekly level content lives

In a vertical cascade of photos, I watch my friends’ ex-boyfriends nurturing the pregnancies of the nice-looking women they married instead. Sometimes I know the names of the resulting children, kids I will almost certainly never meet — but I will know whether they were princesses or pirates for Halloween anyway. I’ve seen their Christmas trees and sand castles and their tablescapes on special occasions.

WHAAAAATTTT?? So you still follow all your friend's ex-boyfriends to the point where you know the names of their kids, yet you've never internet stalked your own ex-boyfriend of 7 years? 

NO CHANCE THAT'S TRUE. 

In a sense this piece is a story of a woman trying to dissect and parse out all of her feelings right in front of us, in the opinion sextion (typo). 

She obviously loves Gaga and in theory her manifesto to “[never] let a soul in the world tell her that she can’t be exactly who she is.” (Which by the way is a stalker) But its more complex. She is struggling with the notion that her ex has leveled all the way up, while at the same time most likely relieved to be able to know everything he's up to because he's dating Gaga, all while rationalizing that she's moved on like an adult because she's ordering larger lattes in homage to this rich, famous and talented woman. 

But if Lady Gaga can do what she wants, and even expand on what she wants, why not me, too? Why not let being “exactly who I am” mean trying to be the best I could be? Lady Gaga continues to challenge herself, to try new things, to thrive.

I went to a coffee shop. Did I want a large? Yes. For the event: Did I want my makeup done? I never had, but yes. And yes, I’ll get the lashes too. When I was emailed praise, did I forward it to my boss? Yes. Did I agree to do the work presentation I was anxious about? Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

WTF? Are you serious? Did she really admit in the NEW YORK TIMES that she emailed her boss to let them know that other people thought she was hot at an actual work event? I mean, do you think Big Cat emails Erika after a meeting with Penn National execs and says, "man, that dude in the green suit said I was looking FLY." Definitely not boss bitch behavior. It's become pretty clear why he moved on and blocked your ass… 

Take it from someone who still uses the Netflix account from their ex (we broke up six years ago). Here's what this article is really about. Lindsey wanted the world to know that she's attractive enough to have dated (for SEVEN YEARS as she repeatedly tells us) someone hot enough to snag to Lady Gaga. End of story. And sorry, boys. She has a fiancé, so she's off the market (unless her ex-boyfriend decides to hit her up, that is).