I Feel Like Such An Asshole That I Didn't Pay 1.5 Million Dollars To Go To the Moon With Leonardo Dicaprio

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ETOnline – Would you pay to go to space with Leonardo DiCaprio? The Oscar nominee is headed to the final frontier, and one very lucky, very rich, person will make the voyage with him.At this year’s star-studded amfAR’s 21st Cinema Against AIDS Gala, held at the Hotel du Cap-Eden-Roc in France, the 39-year-old Wolf of Wall Street star auctioned off a chance to take an outer space trip with him in 2015. The chance to see the stars with a star sold for around $1.5 million (700,000 Euros).

I’m such an asshole. Yesterday I was humble bragging all over the place about how I won every auction at the Milton’s Chestnut Hill Launch Party.  Just peacocking it all over the joint. Like look at big bad Pres swinging his mogul dick all over the place. Now I just feel like a poor person. I mean what did I win? A couple tickets to the Red Sox who are gonna be mathematically eliminated within a few weeks? A golf foursome? Big fucking whoop. While my tiny dick was bidding on shit that Lenny Clark was auctioning off some motherfucker in Cannes was buying a trip to the moon with Leonardo DiCaprio. A TRIP TO THE MOON WITH LEONARDO DICAPRIO! How can I call myself a mogul and not be going to outer space with Leo?

The worst part is that you know there are gonna be models on top of models on that spaceship. Not to mention the fact that without gravity you can’t help but get Leo’s sloppy seconds. Chicks just floating around bumping into your dick and shit. They can’t get away from you even if they wanted to. That’s the beauty of gravity. Everybody just floating around smashing genitals.  Anybody who is familiar with space travel can tell you that.  So great I get to play golf at TPC Norton. Meanwhile Leo is going to the moon without me. Worst day ever.