Upscale Naked Breakfast Company Is Offering A Delicious Spread (Buttcheeks)

I gotta be honest with you, folks. I'm not into the idea of having a naked breakfast. First off, have I even had my coffee yet? The last thing I need when I wake up is a couple of scantily clad ladies shoving a muffin in my face. What if I'm not in the mood for a muffin? What if it's more of a yogurt kinda morning? Carbs in the morning? Yuck. I'll feel as bloated as a bell cow (as the saying goes) all damn day. 

I think the idea of having sexy food is just a good idea but it's terrible in a practical sense. For instance, I don't want sushi off the body of some naked dude. Some large man has a piece of a California roll covering each testicle and I'm supposed to think that's hot. News flash: I don't think that's hot. I think it's unsanitary at best and it's certainly not kosher. If you know me at all, you know that I care deeply about the sanitary ratings of every restaurant that I'm in. In fact, I won't go to a place that has below an A rating. One time, in New York, Kate tried to take me to this place that was known for its wagyu hotdogs. She was thrilled about it. "They're delicious dogs, Chaps. Trust me on this! You'll love it!"

We entered the shop, or nearly did, and I saw a sign that said B on the front door. 

"No," I shouted as she held the door open for me as usual. "No," I will not eat in such a tainted place. I wept. So did Kate.

I ran back to the office and heated up a muffin for myself in the microwave. It was 1 pm but that didn't matter. I was in the mood for a muffin. Honestly, I'm kinda always in the mood for a muffin. Who isn't?

Ps: I found this stinky pussy joke distasteful