Every Grocery Store Needs To Have Slapshot Regatta Like The One On Guy's Grocery Games
I know that I'm probably in the minority here but I love going to the grocery store. You're basically like a General Manager of a team and you have to go out and hand pick all the players you want for your team. Do you want to pick up a tomato basil sauce because you love the sweetness, or do you want your pasta to pack a little more of a punch with a garlic herb sauce? Do you want to grab the skirt steak for your tacos because it's on sale, or are you going to stick with the flank? Do you want to pick up a sourdough loaf or do you...well who am I kidding? You should always go with the sourdough. The point that I'm trying to make is that there's a lot to love about grocery stores, but there's also a lot to hate.
Primarily--pretty much everybody else who is in there at the same time as you. Because holy christ, it's like some people have never been out in public before and don't know how to operate. You've got jackasses who just leave the cart perpendicular to the aisle while they're kneeling down looking for a can of beans. You've got morons who can't figure out where the milk they're looking for is at so they take up the entire refrigerated section aimlessly searching like a buffoon. Don't even get me started on the people who think its a good idea to bring their 3 little shit head kids along for the trip and get in the way of EVERYTHING. You've got all these people there trying to ruin your experience. So what's the perfect way to solve that problem and make sure that you aren't purposefully ramming your cart into people's ankles out of frustration?
Throw a slapshot regatta section up by the hot bar to let everyone rip a few snappers and let off some steam. There's nothing I'd love more than to send a clap comb someone's way who had been gumming up the works all day. Basically the way I'm envisioning this is like a duel type of scenario. If someone is pissing you off at the grocery store, you get to challenge them to a slapshot regatta. Winner gets to keep shopping, loser has to come back tomorrow. Throw a couple of beers into the mix and all of a sudden you're spending 5 hours of your Saturday just teeing off clappers at the grocery store with the boys.
P.S. - Bakery section of Whole Foods is a top 10 smell in the world and you're wrong if you disagree.