The Top 5 NBA Jam Teams
Hit play on that video, close your eyes, and let the nostalgia from that repeating digitized theme song pour over you and get seared again into your brain. JUST in case you haven't heard the NBA All-Star is in Chicago next weekend. Big Cat is coming back to town for it. We are going to do live radio at Declans on Friday and then Saturday...an NBA Jam tournament. If you want in on the tournament it's not too late. Registration closes on Monday. $10 gets you in. All of the money raised goes to the Anthony Rizzo foundation.. Click here https://www.barstoolsports.com/donate/1751511
I LOVED NBA Jam as a kid and I am happy to announce that we are playing the original version on SEGA. The other guys were talking about NBA Jam 2 or some shit on the podcast last week. I never had that one. The original is much better. No subs. Just two guys and it's binary. You're either big or small. Larry Johnson...exact same size as David Robinson. Barstool Chicago is going to serve as a selection committee where we rank the teams and fill out a bracket for the tournament next week. I want my picks to be public record. These may not be the technically best teams based on ratings, but if I had a draft this is the order I would go.
1) San Antonio Spurs
There are only three things that matter in NBA. 1) Dunks 2) Threes, 3) Blocking shots. The Spurs did all of that. Robinson and Elliott were built for NBA Jam. NBA Jam was about going on runs and the best way to stop someone from being "on fire" is to have their dunk attempt from the moon be intercepted by The Admiral at the rim and then throw down court to a wide open Sean Elliott for three.
2) Seattle SuperSonics
Shawn Kemp was born to be a player in NBA. Arguably one of the greatest dunkers whoever lived. You could play with him in the game, attempt a dunk from beyond the 3pt line and it was still kind of realistic.
This was prime-time Kemp. Well before he went to Cleveland and cheeseburger'd himself out of the league. Kemp was a GREAT NBA Jam player and Detlef was always there on the wings to clean things up and knock down threes. If you get the Sonics in the tournament you should pencil yourselves into the final four.
3) Charlotte Hornets
Grandmama and Zo. The Hornets were just cool. When you were playing NBA you didn't want a square team. You don't want to be that little needle dick version of the Cavs with Mark Price and Brad Daugherty and just chest pass people to death. Pass. Give me the Hornets. I read another article on the internet to refresh my memory on some of the tandems, but that article had the Hornets ranked in the teens so FUCK that article. Dunks on dunks on dunks on dunks. And it didn't matter if these two weren't great at threes because just block a few shots, dunk it down their throat, get on fire, and that is basically a cheat code.
4) Phoenix Suns
I have a thing in my dumb brain where having two big guys is almost always better than having one big and one small. I know that the ratings and whatnot probably make that not true, but how could KJ stop Larry Johnson? Impossible. Once you get beyond these three team though I start to rationalize it a bit. KJ with the speed, steals, and threes was so sweet. Sneaky one of my favorite players as a kid. And Barkley was the league MVP when this game came out and that has to count for something. Barkley would absolute jam it in your face because even though he was only 6'4 in real life he was the same size as David Robinson in the game.
5) Utah Jazz
The least sexy team. If you could realistically execute a pick and roll in NBA Jam they'd be #1, but you can't so they're a boring ass version of the Suns in this game. I considered the Knicks with Ewing and Starks, the Rockets with Olajuwon and Maxwell, and the Hawks with Dominique, but steals, threes, rebounds, speed, and dunks...the Jazz weren't fun, but they're still a top 5 team.
Official Barstool Chicago selection committee video for this tournament will be released early next week. Registration ends on Monday. Even if you don't get in the tournament I hope you guys come out to Joes. Good college basketball slate that day. WVU-Baylor, Illinois-Rutgers, Maryland-MSU all while leading up to the NBA Skills Comp. Should be a great day.
PS: Doing this blog made me realize once and for all how much sweeter the NBA was back in the 90s. I just listed off a ton of great players and exciting teams and I couldn't even talk about the Bulls because Jordan wasn't in this game. Fix the cap and make it so each team can only have two max contracts. Or something. I don't know. Figure out a way to make the league how it used to be.