Drunk Celtic Fan Caught With Pants Around His Ankles, Trying To Have Sex With Taxi
This is about a Celtic fan (Scottish soccer) not about a Celtics fan (NBA team)
A 36-year-old man has been found guilty of simulating sex on a taxi bonnet with his trousers at his ankles in a Fife street.
The shocked cabbie had arrived to pick up a fare from a house when a drunk stranger jumped up on to the front of his van in broad daylight.
An elderly couple also claimed they saw David Bruce apparently having sex with a garden fence during the incident on May 25, in Russell Court.
There is being horny, then there's being horny. Clearly this man is the latter. No reasonable human - drunk or sober - goes around personifying objects with his penis. Then again, I feel like that's just how British/Scottish/Irish soccer fans are. They're always looking for a reason to make a wanker motion or some other crude genital reference. I mean sure, you could've chalked up the fence-fucking as traditional banter amongst the lads but when you try and hop on top of a moving taxi, there's a problem.
After a trial at Dunfermline Sheriff Court, Bruce was found guilty of jumping on to the bonnet of a taxi with his trousers down and rub his genitals on the vehicle, simulate sexual intercourse and commit a breach of the peace.
Bruce, now of Bridge Street, Kirkcaldy, formerly of Broomhead Drive, Dunfermline, was found not guilty of committing an offence of public indecency by lowering his trousers and underwear, exposing his genitals and committing a sex act.
So I'm pretty confused here. He was found guilty of breaching the peace because he fucked a car, that I understand. What I don't understand is how he wasn't found guilty of public indecency. The two charges are linked to one another, no? How can you have one but not the other? If pulling down your pants and attempting to fuck a taxi ISN'T public indecency then I have no clue what is.
Bruce told the court he had been out celebrating after watching his team Celtic win the Scottish Cup Final on TV to clinch a ‘treble treble’.
Ahh, so that's why Celtic was mentioned. A classic case of getting piss drunk after a huge title-winning season. However, it seems a little excessive to run around trying to literally fuck anything he can. Have a little fucking decency. Chaps blogged earlier today about a soccer fan who spun his dick like a helicopter in celebration. That's just how soccer fans - more specifically Europeans - are wired. I'm not here to judge but it all just… a lot.
“He was wandering about with his trousers at his ankles and then approached a woman. He was staggering about and then started masturbating for two or three minutes. Eventually he fell on somebody’s path.”
Ok. Masturbating in public is bad. He can't be doing that. He can't be doing any of this for that matter. Just even more shocking that he wasn't charged with public indecency yet got charged with disturbing the peace. Just mind-boggling how the laws work over in Scotland. Again, I'll just chalk that one up as things being different across the pond because if he did that in the States he'd be public enemy no. 1 and rightfully so. You can't be that irresponsible.