I Want To Bully These Losers So Bad

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JOLIET, Ill. -- Police are seeking to identify a man who allegedly sprayed disinfectant on items at a Walmart in Joliet Sunday, causing nearly $10,000 in damage, while wearing a sign that claimed he was infected with coronavirus.

The masked suspect wearing a handmade sign reading "Caution I have the Coronavirus" then sprayed Lysol on produce, clothing and health and beauty items, police said.

The suspects were described as men in their 20s, and were last seen leaving the area in a white 2003 GMC Yukon that registered to Oswego, police said.

I know bullying has become taboo and generally frowned upon, but it would still be nice for us to agree that a world where these losers get routinely stuffed in lockers isn't that bad. A world that ruthlessly molds these douchebags into being silent participants instead of unchecked vagabonds. One that equally instills fear while inspiring adherence to basic social norms. Basically a world where these two guys don't get punished for acting like jagoffs because acting like a jagoff never even crossed their mind. That's how hard these twats would get bullied in my world. 

Granted the world I'm describing probably comes with some extremely negative long-term consequences. But what's the real tradeoff when you're talking about a couple of twenty-something tool sheds waging biological warfare on a Walmart in Joliet? Isn't the world an objectively better place with them swimming in the middle of Lake Michigan? 

I would assume "yes" based on the fact that they are losers and losers suck. But I also know that we're getting back to Darwinism and that's my jam, so let's chop it up for a quick second.

Here's two guys that, based on most evolutionary measures, should already be dead (or never have existed in the first place). In a perfectly competitive world, they or their parents (or their parents' parents, etc.) were killed off long ago. But because of advances in technology, healthcare and society, they get to exist deep into the 21st century without a fraction of the risk that has shaped mankind for the last 60,000 years.  

For better or worse (worse), it's pretty ironic these Good Charlotte fuckwads would pull a Coronavirus stunt when that's literally the ONLY thing these guys need to be worried about: a global plague targeting earth's beta population. Otherwise, the world's figured out a way to protect them from basically anything through safe spaces, affordable health insurance programs and participation trophies. 

It's a damn shame when you think about it... mostly because these guys are just watering down the next generation with bad genes and scaring the babes away in the process. But also because there's one less locker out there that could be stuffed to the brim with this douchebag. And while that locker sits empty, my heart remains full that we get back to basics and run this guy out of town.

Joliet deserves better.