No Diving Into The Shallow End!

I love shit like this. Everyone thinks they’re such a badass when they get around any body of water. Remember pool parties when you were young? The kid who thought he was hot shit would always be like “Hey look at me! I’m gonna dive off the shed!” Bam! No you’re not bro, that’s the shallow end. Hope you didn’t like the use of your legs. Have fun always being picked last in gym class. “Oh I’m gonna run around the outside of the pool during Marco Polo. Everyone will love this because I’m so clever!” Shapow! Watch out for that wet spot you asshole, you just cracked your skull in two. Think I’m not gonna hear you flopping around and having a seizure out there? My ass. Fish outta water! Fish outta water! Same thing with this guy here. Everyone will think I’m so zany and funny if I dive into Shit River! Wrong, bro. You just shattered your C4 vertebrae and now you’re Christopher Reeves without the great hair or strong jaw.