The New Uber/Lyft Tax Bullshit Started Today
Stop me if you heard this story before but we got a new tax and it's totally bullshit. Just a couple days ago I was complaining about the Weed taxes and all of you were like NO SHIT CARL IT'S THE GOVERNMENT WHAT DID YOU THINK?
I think an eight of weed shouldn't cost eighty five fucking dollars
Is that too much to ask?
Anyways and much to the chagrin of Thomas Jefferson's legacy, we're on to another tax. This time it's a Congestion Tax which is a fancier way of saying Stealing From People Because Our Local Government Is Woefully Inefficient.
Here's the area it covers
Any Uber/Lyft/Rideshare that either starts or ends in that area gets a flat $3 surcharge that goes directly to city hall. Relevant neighborhoods include:
- Old Town
- River North
- Gold Coast
- Streeterville
- West Loop
- Loop
- South Loop
Primetime places to work and booze. If you're a young guy on the Come Up, then you spend a lot of time in and out of the Loop. You do drinks in River North and/or live in Old Town. You spend weekends in West Loop and date-night in Gold Coast on weekdays. Without hesitation you're giving Lori Lightfoot at least another $1,000 in 2020 with one roundtrip every-other-day.
I'm just gonna uber to East Bank for a bichram class and wheat grass juice that makes my cum thicken
Admittedly I understand that's the crowd that doesn't give a fuck about a $3 tax. But as a God-fearing red blooded American, I just can't find the strength to stomach it. This is money going directly from your wallet to city government to pay down debt. You should be just as upset.
Here's some more bullshit:
An extra $8 to/from Midway Airport? Someone needs to get their ass kicked.
Then there's the surcharge depending on the time of day? Basically robbing honest people who just want to provide for their families while also supporting a mild recreational drug habit that's really starting to negatively impact things around home. Making it more expensive to get to and from Navy Pier isn't helping dad through these tough times which brings me to my final point.
I know the Shared Trips are significantly cheaper and that it's not cool to poor shame anyone. But you gotta be a serial killer to consistently use Share Trips. You could make that shit free and I'd still gladly embrace mounting UberXL credit card debt. So while the taxes are new, I want the shared-trip public shaming amongst you and your buddies to remain the same. Nothing worse than when Gary is 30 minutes late to Happy Hour because his Toyota Prius had to re-route to Logan Square to pick up Waldo and his dipshit hipster friends.
In other words don't be a Gary, and that's coming from a (Two Bird) Carl.