Does This Look Like The Face Of A Guy Arrested For Jerking Off His Prothetic Penis?

JENSEN BEACH, Fla. —A man with a prosthetic penis was arrested after he was seen masturbating in the woods while watching girls shower at a public beach, deputies said. A Lake Worth man was arrested Monday after police say he was caught on camera humping the door of a Lantana business. Sheriff William Snyder calls the actions of a man accused of masturbating while looking at teenage girls showering at a public beach “chilling.” Frederick Schulte, 66, was arrested Saturday on charges of lewd or lascivious exhibition and disorderly conduct. Martin County Sheriff’s Office deputies said teenagers were showering at Jensen Beach when they noticed a man, later identified as Schulte, looking at them while he masturbated. The report indicated that Schulte had a prosthetic penis.

I’m not even sure I fully understand this story. Frederick Schulte has a prosthetic penis? A fake dick? But he was still jerking off. That’s not even possible. That’s like saying using a shake weight is jerking off. It’s like saying a lesbian pornstar sucking a dildo is giving a blowjob. No she isn’t, she’s sucking a dildo. Blowjobs need to be pleasurable in order to count as a blowjob, sucking a dildo is just chocking on plastic. Same goes for masturbating. It ain’t masturbating unless it feels good, anything else is exercising your forearms.