Washington Redskins Photographer Simply Cannot Believe The Horror After Two Eagles Players *GASP* Gave Him The Middle Finger
sTaY cLaSsY, pHiLlY.
Not the index. Not the ring. Not the pinky. Not even the thumb for those of you who consider a thumb to be a finger. But the big one. The MIDDLE FINGER!!
He was so taken aback that he couldn't even look up the players' names. Resorted to calling him "sport" like he was Jay Gatsby. The horror. The atrocity. The middle finger? Why I never. And to think that this man probably has a family as well. How is he supposed to explain this to his kids???
Give me a break.
There are a lot of terrible things that happen in the world on a daily basis. Things that legitimately have negative impact on lives. Things that truly make somebody a victim. Drugs, murder, other various forms of crime and violence. Having somebody flip you the bird is not one of those things. And to be perfectly honest, it's not even something that you should be allowed to be offended by at this point.
I know this is kind of taking a bit from an old Dane Cook joke but what the hell was the first guy who ever flipped somebody off thinking? He was so angry and that's all he came up with? To raise his middle finger while leaving the rest of his fist clinched in order to display how much anger he was feeling towards a specific somebody? And then what? Because some jackass did that a couple hundred years ago, it's bad to do it now? Think about the middle finger without any context at all. You are literally just putting one of your fingers up in the air. It does not hurt anybody. It does not suck the life out of anybody. It does nothing at all. I understand there's an implication behind it but this is one of those things that just proves that humans are idiots. It's a finger, Joe. I think you're going to be okay.
If anything, the middle fingers were the least offensive part of the entire day considering, ya know, the other team out on the field is called the Redskins. Might want to worry about that one before we get around to getting rid of the middle finger. What we actually need is more middle fingers from the Eagles. Make it the official "Go Birds" hand gesture if it isn't already. Sorry that Nate Gerry and Duke Riley have team spirit.