Dudes Are "Ironing Their Balls" Because Clooney Said To

DM — George Clooney has repeatedly joked that instead of his eyes he gets the skin on his testicles ‘ironed’ out, but now it appears he’s inspired a new craze in Hollywood. Cosmetic expert Nurse Jamie told MailOnline that she added ‘Tighten the Tackle’ to the list of services at her Santa Monica spa, Beauty Park, last year, and it has been a raving success. Delicately describing the $575 non-surgical treatment, the blonde beautician says it involves using lasers to remove hair, erase wrinkles and correct discoloration on the scrotum. Like women, she explains her male clients are keen to ‘keep their garden kept’ and it’s purely for aesthetic reasons.  During the movie awards season she’s apparently inundated with requests and now many are gearing up for the Emmys this September.

Some things don’t need to make sense in order to make sense. Does a laser beam on my balls to remove hair, erase wrinkles and correct discoloration of the scrotum scare the shit out of me? You bet it does. Do I need to do it? You bet I do. Beauty hurts. There was a time when a motorized trimmer or razor blade used to scare me too, but I grew past that. Realized that in order to be my best I had to sack up. If Clooney says ironing your balls is how you get hot then god dammit that’s what I’m gonna do. I’ll have my dick going into vaginas looking exactly like it did when it came out of one for the first time. Same size, same amount of wrinkles, and same amount of hair. That’s how you do sexy in the 21st century.

PS – 100% chance I chub myself up before Nurse Jamie tightens my tackle. Life is all about first impressions.