I Guess I'll Be The One Who Says It. Popcorn Is A Shitty Snack To Get At A Sporting Event

Lotta folks out there have been using this video as an opportunity to take a shot at Philly fans for being “garbage human beings” and “actual pieces of trash” and “horrible people in general”. Those same people have big giant bowls of applesauce where their brains are supposed to be since this video is clearly staged and the guy in the Le’Veon Bell jersey is clearly in on it, but that’s neither here nor there. Because while Philly fans may be a little rough around the edges, the biggest takeaway from this video is that popcorn is just about the dumbest thing you can possibly order at a game.

Now I’ll give this kid a pass considering, ya know, he’s a kid and everything. Most of the food/drink items you would order at a game revolve around alcohol and clearly he can’t order his own yet. But there’s not a single redeeming quality about popcorn at a game. For starters, it makes an absolute mess. Unless you are solely focused on eating the popcorn and not having it end up all over you and your entire section, you are screwed. But I get it. You’re at the game and the stadium has cleaning people for that. You’re selfish and that’s okay. But it’s still annoying when you get back home and the sole of your shoes is covered in a layer of crushed popcorn.

Secondly, popcorn never fills you up. The only thing it does is just make you ridiculously thirsty. You’re just stuck there palming away at this big ol’ box of popcorn for a couple of hours stuffing your face away and there’s no actual satisfaction going on there. All that work for what? Just so you can have a bunch of shit stuck in your teeth and for that the next sip of your drink is the most satisfying part of the experience? Lame. Everybody knows that calories don’t count when you’re at a game. So get the hot dog, get the giant pizza slice, get the chicken fingers that come in a helmet, get the nachos, get the ice cream, get something that you’re actually going to enjoy eating and isn’t just going to become a chore after a few minutes.

Lastly, the thing that really bothers me about popcorn is that you pretty much always get roped into sharing it. Which is gross because everybody is just slobbering all over their hand when they eat the popcorn and then they’re dunking that hand right back into the box for the next round. If you get a hot dog, nobody is asking you for a bite of that hot dog. If you get a slice of pizza, nobody is asking you for a bite. But popcorn is this bizarre snack where you end up being the one who asks if anybody around you wants any. Probably because subconsciously you’re just trying to get rid of the popcorn as soon as possible. When all is said and done, it’s just a gross mess that never satisfies your hunger. The only thing it can possibly provide is just something to keep you busy during the game.

So while most people watched this video and saw a young child start to make his transition into being a full blown Philly fan, I saw a kid who was willing to step up and denounce popcorn as a stadium snack. And maybe also transitioning into a full blown Philly fan as well.

Sidenote: Also not a big peanut guy.

@BarstoolJordie

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