NBC=NoBody Cares
That title is misleading.
If I didn’t actually care about the recent “hit piece” by NBC then I probably wouldn’t be writing this blog.
However, I think Keith did a fine enough job clapping back at the media giant in the wake of this latest anti-Barstool drivel and Erika did a passable job addressing the ridiculous tenets of their writer on her Twitter feed, so I don’t feel compelled to jump on the dogpile. (Plus, I was drunk with the Natty Light College Football Tour down in Athens, GA all weekend.)
— And I say her tweets were only “passable” because Erika is not a professional writer like I is... She’s just a hypersexualized CEO. —
However, I am compelled to write about NBC in a different way because I just realized something.
Out of curiosity, after reading their piece on Barstool Sports, I looked through the network’s current TV lineup and I have come to the realization that instead of “NBC=NoBody Cares”, I should’ve gone with “NBC=Netflix’s Boring Competitor” for this blog because NBC offers next to NOTHING on its network anymore.
I am going to shit on that lineup in a sec, but first, I want to point out that the biggest exception to what I just said about NBC sucking dick would be (ironically) Ellen DeGeneres.
(That's funny because she doesn't drink coffee.)
For some reason, I fucking LOVE Ellen’s show.
I never cared for her standup... I never watched her sitcom... I don’t particularly like dancing... And I definitely don’t like it when good things happen to someone who isn’t me.
And yet I am mesmerized every time that boyish rascal takes the stage dancing to music I don’t like and handing out shockingly beautiful gifts to a studio audience that probably would hate me if they knew me.
Oprah used to do that same schtick with give-aways but I could never stomach that pompous clam. Now Ellen does it and I am bagging what she is raking 100% of the time. So much so, that I am willing to say that if I were a kid, the Ellen show would be my go-to TV watch on a sick day while my mom makes me toast and an ice-cold Canada Dry ginger ale... Supplanting my old favorite standby- The Australian version of The Price Is Right. And that is high praise from a former/current fat kid/man who loved to fake sickness to get out of school/work.
"But why the Australian version of The Price Is Right, Large?"
But enough with the sucking of Ellen’s (obviously) metaphorical dick... I have some NBC shitting-on to do.
Does anyone remember when NBC’s Thursday night lineup was “Must See TV”?
(I hope more than just Rear Admiral and Jerry Thornton answered yes to that.)
For those who are too young to be my friend, NBC’s Must See TV lineup was a fucking murderer’s row back in the day.
Taxi, Gimme A Break, Family Ties, Cheers, Night Court, The Cosby Show, A Different World, Frazier, Wings, Mad About You, Will & Grace, Friends, and Seinfeld were all certifiable MONSTER 1/2 hour sitcoms that, at one time or another, ran from 8-10 PM every Thursday for just over 20 seasons. And those successes were followed by hour-long dramas at 10 PM like Hill Street Blues, LA Law, Law & Order, and ER.
But by the early 2000s, the "Must See TV" slogan had fallen by the wayside in NBC's promotions. More importantly, NBC had gone from the top-rated network on Thursday nights to second behind CBS, eventually third behind ABC and ultimately a distant fourth behind Fox. All because NBC failed to develop hit shows to replace any of those long-running staples I mentioned above*.
So, after airing a two-hour comedy block on Thursday for 21 straight seasons, NBC broke with their tradition in 2004 by replacing the 9 PM hour with the hour-long reality competition The Apprentice and the Must-See TV era was officially kaput.
Today’s Thursday lineup for NBC contains powerhouse shows like Superstore, The Good Place, A.P. Bio, Perfect Harmony, Sunnyside, and I Feel Bad... And I can honestly say that I have never heard of a single one of these seeming pieces of shit.
Actually, out of all those unrecognizable names, I just read NBC’s The Good Place has gotten some critical acclaim, so perhaps I spoke too soon. Ted Danson plays the lead in that one which shows some fantastic decision making on NBC’s part, going back to the well with Danson hoping to capture some of their past Cheers successes.
I know NBC has a lot to say about Barstool, but I don’t think there’s a single damning thing I can say about their relationship with Danson.
And as long as I am complimenting the peacock, the company legitimately still has a strong presence in late night. Specifically, with their decision to have Jimmy Fallon pick up the torch from Johnny Carson, and even though the network has no problem shitting on my place of biz, there is nothing negative for me to say about NBC’s Late Night With Jimmy Fallon either.
And finally... Although I personally do not enjoy any of those reality contests, NBC has a consistent earner with America’s Got Talent, which has produced such household names as Kodi Lee, Bianca Ryan, Kenichi Ebina, Kevin Skinner, Michael Grimm, and The Olate Dogs.
Plus they added Julianne Hough** as one of their hosts this year... Which some may say, follows a pattern.
So, in closing, as much as I would like to write something that would be potentially destructive for a MAMMOTH company such as NBC in the wake of them writing a short-sighted and boring article about my employer, it seems like my intentions are unnecessary... They are doing a fine enough job of destroying themselves, and watching that franchise crumble is about the only Must See thing they have left.
Fuck you, NBC... And take a report.
-Large
.
This week's ExtraLarge on BarstoolGOLD contains one of my biggest regrets...
https://barstoolsports.com/membership/join?utm_source=barstool_personality&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=referral_barstool_personality_global_post_large&utm_content=global_post&utm_term=large.
* After I typed- "All because NBC failed to develop hit shows to replace any of those long-running staples" I figured people would take umbrage because of the channels more recent successes (The Office, 30 Rock, Parks& Rec). However, I can tell you confidently that newer NBC hits couldn't touch the ratings garnered by those on the earlier Must See lineups. For example, The Office is a big favorite in reruns and a personal favorite for a handful of people at Barstool, but that show was only a Top 50 most-watched sitcom for the duration of its run between 2007 and 2010 whereas the list of earlier NBC hits all placed Top 10 or better during their runs.
** For the record, I don't really care about the cancel culture's fixation on blackface. I just found the NBC article to be hypocritical on many levels and I thought the blackface shit was lower hanging fruit than even Matt Lauer's office/sex chamber. And Julianne Hough is 100% forgiven...
TAR
-L