Introducing The Most Dramatic Broad In The World

Little Black Blog - There are very few times I use this blog as a personal sounding board. It’s now my 26th birthday, and despite my general distaste for “today I went to Whole Foods and then made a protein-packed paleo Pinterest-procured pizza” writer-driven life posts, this is just something I had to share, if only for other comfortably single women in their 20s. It all started two weeks ago, when I met some rando at a bar. He was friendly enough, but annoyingly and sloppily drunk, which is why I offered my email address when he asked for my number. We emailed later that weekend, and I met up for a few drinks, which eventually turned to dinner, and then champagne. We had relatively good chemistry, but then, I kinda have chemistry with pretty much everyone, because I really like talking to people and winning over complete strangers. We had dinner the following weekend (as in, two days ago), and it was equally  fun. I invited him to my birthday party, which I’m holding this weekend for my closest 125 friends. He wouldn’t be in town, so he scheduled a weekend in Virginia wine country the following weekend. It seemed a bit much, but I agreed to a singular day trip. When we parted that day, I didn’t think much of anything. In fact, I actually headed out to a bar to meet up with a former lover from 2012, with whom I may or may not entertain a few exchanges here and there. #timesbeing. So imagine my surprise–which quickly turned to fury–when I received the following text out of the blue yesterday. FYI I have done absolutely no editing on this conversation

Cheers to 26! And may I (and you, and your girlfriends, moms, grandmothers, daughters, etc.) never remain silent in the bombastic, outrageously chauvinistic face of an insecure man. 

There’s a lot of people I hate in this world. Im the Barstool Hater of the Year. Been crowned the champ since 2009. So sometimes its hard to explain how much I hate someone because I’ve exaggerated about other people in the past.

But this broad here. Holy fucking moly. I hate her almost as much as I hate the Mariano farewell tour. Give me a fucking break with these dramatics. Chicks sit around crying and complaining about how all they want is guys to be honest with them. Don’t play games, be up front about their feelings, blah blah fucking BLAH. Dude sends probably the most polite text ever rather than string this girl along and gets a fucking novel in response about her 2 published books and her property ownership. Threatens his job and then insults his non existent daughter. Class act from this mature “woman.” Get out of my face toots. You’re being a total asshole to a dude who was trying to do what he thought was the right thing and just filing it under feminism. No babe. You’re just being an overdramatic asshole. You’re not championing the cause of women for all the girlfriends, mothers grandmothers and daughters out there. You’re basically a girl who got axed and you’re bitter about it. Take a hike.

PS – This is why I never broke up with any chick unless it was absolutely necessary. Just lie about shit and eventually start ignoring them until it fades into bolivion. Its slow and painful and prolonged but it avoids ever taking any responsibility or having awkward exchanges like this one.