Winston Churchill's 18K Gold Toilet Has Been Stolen

(SOURCE)

They made off with a potty of gold.

Thieves pinched an 18-karat commode from Winston Churchill’s boyhood home Saturday — and immediately became public enemies numbers 1 and 2.

The shiny throne — dubbed “America” by Italian artist Maurizio Cattelan and displayed at the Guggenheim Museum in 2016 — was taken from baroque Blenheim Palace, Churchill’s birthplace, in Oxfordshire, England.

It was installed at the massive mansion for an art exhibit that opened Thursday.

One of my life goals that will never be met because I’m exceedingly mediocre at everything is to have a golden toilet.  Just the ultimate fuck you to everyone that is poorer aka less awesome than you.  Can you imagine dropping a rat in a golden toilet?  Sitting there, feet perched up like a gargoyle on a ledge, rifling through twitter and instagram for hours on end?  That’s the stuff dreams are made of and something that only a handful of people on earth have ever ever gotten to experience.

So when I fired up the internet this morning and found out that Winston Churchill’s golden toilet was ganked over the weekend I felt for him.  He spent the better part of his tenure as Britain’s Prime Minister fighting off goddamn Nazis trying to takeover not only England, but the entire world.  Let the man shit in peace you Nazis!  And I don’t say “Nazi” figuratively, I say this very seriously, as in it’s probably Hitler’s great great grandson who was the thief or some shit.

Poor Churchill.  Dropping rats were probably the only one or two 10 minute breaks a day he had where he could do nothing but drop his pantaloons, forget about Hitler, Goebells, Hess, Mussolini and Hirohito for a little bit and reek havoc.  Sure he’s dead but his memory lives on with his golden can.  And now it’s been desecrated.

That said… not sure I like that he named it “America”, though naming your toilet is another badass move.  I would have personally gone with “Hitler” or “Germany” or “Third Reich” had it’d been my choice, kinda like the Goodell urinal cake holders that Barstool has, but at the same time maybe he was paying homage to the country that saved his dick.  The good ol’ U-S of A.

PS – President Trump was offered this very toilet in 2018 when he was elected but apparently he rejected the offer

The Guggenheim made a splash in 2018 when it offered to send the gold toilet to the White House instead of a van Gogh painting that President Trump asked to borrow to hang in the first family’s residence.

I don’t give a shit about politics but not sure I can trust our President after that move.  Am American president shitting in Churchill’s golden toilet would be the ultimate power move.  That’s how you intimidate Al Qaeda.