Antonio Brown Had Social Media Consultants Teach Him How To Get Released From The Raiders

Yesterday I posted this live reaction to the AB signing as something of a half joke…

But now? I mean that’s the only explanation. That’s what happened. Idk who was relaying the messages or whose idea the whole thing was, but this was the plan all along. I’m sure it was a little less obvious, something like Bill telling Rosenhaus, “Shame they traded Antonio to Oakland. If anything should happen there he’ll always be welcome in Foxboro…” then AB to go Oakland, saw how bad they sucked, and decided to get the fuck out of there.

Only thing that surprised him was how many bullets the organization could take. He figured getting frostbite on your feet in California would do the trick like a shot to the head, but the Raiders pressed on. So he decided to stop showing up to practice over a helmet and they were cool with that too. Eventually he had to hire professionals to teach him how to get fired because the Raiders were so reluctant to do it and once he got that release any time inquiring found out it was pretty much a done deal to the Pats.

Thank god that worked because AB was a few hours from hitting the parking lot with a megaphone and some Lombardis.