Scientists Say They Might Have Solved the Mystery of the Loch Ness Monster. And it's a Fricking Eel

Source – The creatures behind repeated sightings of the fabled Loch Ness Monster may be giant eels, according to scientists.

Researchers from New Zealand have tried to catalogue all living species in the loch by extracting DNA from water samples.

Following analysis, the scientists have ruled out the presence of large animals said to be behind reports of a monster.

No evidence of a prehistoric marine reptile called a plesiosaur or a large fish such as a sturgeon were found. …

Prof Neil Gemmell, a geneticist from New Zealand’s University of Otago. said: “People love a mystery, we’ve used science to add another chapter to Loch Ness’ mystique.

“We can’t find any evidence of a creature that’s remotely related to that in our environmental-DNA sequence data. So, sorry, I don’t think the plesiosaur idea holds up based on the data that we have obtained.”

He added: “So there’s no shark DNA in Loch Ness based on our sampling. There is also no catfish DNA in Loch Ness based on our sampling. We can’t find any evidence of sturgeon either,

“There is a very significant amount of eel DNA. Eels are very plentiful in Loch Ness, with eel DNA found at pretty much every location sampled.

Dammit all, science! I’m all about discovering the truth. But why does an honest examination of the world around us always have to be such a buzzkill. Here we’ve been, mulling over the greatest crypto-zoological mystery of our age. Hoping that the Loch Ness Monster was some surviving ocean dinosaur. Or the descendant of some hereto undiscovered species of marine life. And these researchers have to come along as say that not only is it neither of those things, it’s eels. The most boring of all sea creatures.

Fricking eels. Gross, slimy, wriggling little water belts. The pool noodles of the deep. Oceanic Froot Rollups with fish heads attached. Not even huge, terrifying, man-eating Shrieking Eels either:

Which would at least make this report a little bit sexy. But nope. These science nerds couldn’t even give us that.

It’s like finding out Yeti is a polar bear or Bigfoot is just a dog walking on his hind legs. If the people of Scotland know what’s good for them, they better start proving these guys are wrong and Nessie is a real monster or get their own scientists busy creating a real plesiosaur out of 65 million-year-old DNA and fast. No one’s going to go all the way to Lock Ness just to get a picture of Ursula’s pets.