Flume Eats His Girlfriend’s Ass On Stage During His Set At Burning Man Because A Fan Had A Sign That Said “Does Flume Even Eat Ass?”

Welp I believe the man answered the question. With a little assist from his lady. Flume does, in fact, eat ass. Boy does that fan feel foolish. Took the time to get out the poster board and the Sharpie and make himself a College Gameday-esque type of sign making fun of his favorite DJ. Thought he was gonna Boom Roast Flume. Au contraire, my friend. Turns out the only thing getting Boom roasted are Flume’s girlfriend’s butthole and this fan with the sign.

This move is what the kids call “Relationship goals.” It’s also career goals, and really if we’re being honest, just overall life goals right here. It’s 2019 and if you aren’t eating butt you’re a failure. Straight up. You will go nowhere in life in this modern era. I’m not saying everyone who is successful eats ass. For instance Jeff Bezos is worth like $100 bil and his example of getting kinky is whispering into Alive Girl’s nose. Like “OOOOH you’re supposed to whisper sweet nothings into a human’s ear but I’m gonna whisper into her nose!” That’s how Bezos rolls, and I’m sure all the old guys from another generation ain’t tossing salad in the bedroom either. But those guys are grandfathered in. They were already on their way to millions and billions when this became the new wave. When ass became en Vogue. But for my generation? Gen X or millennials or whatever it’s called? If you ain’t eating ass you ain’t eating, period. No food on the table. You’re probably too afraid to take any risks. You’re probably too timid to ever take charge. You’re not adventurous or imaginative enough to shoot for the stars. And you’re certainly not generous enough to establish firm relationships. Honestly I know you can’t get away with this but if you’re interviewing a new candidate for a job, the first and maybe only question you should ask is “do you even eat ass?” Might be just a teensy bit of an HR problem. Particularly if you’re asking girls. Although if they pass this test they are the true go-getters of society. But I can understand the pitfalls. All I’m saying is instead of asking people how many ping pong balls fill a 747, or why are manhole covers round, this single question is all you need. Don’t need the resume don’t need a cover letter. Just tell me if you eat the booty like groceries and I know everything I need to know about you. Doesn’t matter if you’re looking to be an accountant or you’re DJing at burning man. All the real ones know you gotta eat life’s ass. Life is just one big booty and if you don’t eat it, it eats you.