A Man Drags a Life-Size Topless Doll Through the Streets and Hilarity Ensues
Source – A man carrying a life-size doll he found in a downtown dumpster through the streets caused quite a furor Tuesday morning.
Multiple emergency calls were received beginning shortly before 11:30 a.m., according to the Kansas City, Missouri, Police Department’s Twitter page.
Panicked passersby said a man was “carrying around a topless, unconscious woman.”
One caller said it looked like he “wanted to throw her over a bridge.”
Another noted that he “dropped her on the sidewalk and drug her head over a curb.”
Other callers noted the man had slung “the woman” over his shoulder and appeared to be trying to dress her.
Finally, one caller said the man was yelling “savior,” while holding a woman near the 12th Street Bridge.
Sometimes the key to this life is all about how you look at things. The idea of a smelly, shirtless, probably homeless crazy person dragging a half naked life-size doll into the woods, undoubtedly for companionship and sex is just about as disturbing and disgusting as it gets. Until you consider the alternative. I’m sure if those cops got 911 calls saying a homeless guy was about to have forest sex with a doll he fished out of the trash, they’d be horrified. But when they go in expecting to find an unconscious or even dead woman and it turns out to be a used sex doll, well that’s the best case scenario. It’s one of those “expect the worst, hope for the best” kind of things.
Better yet, it’s practically a “Seinfeld” episode:
A Story: Jerry takes George to the boutique where his girlfriend works. George is disturbed by a mannequin that looks just like one at the bra shop his mother dragged him to when he was little where he got separated from her and was traumatized. The girlfriend tells him not to be embarrassed because they’re getting a new one in and throwing that one out.
B Story: Kramer finds the mannequin in the alley and decides it reminds him of Kim Catrall in the movie “Mannequin” and wants it for his apartment. He gets Newman to help him drag it into the back of the postal truck but someone calls the cops and they just barely get away. The cops think they’re looking for a serial killer and canvas the neighborhood with a sketch of Kramer and Newman, who unbeknownst to George stash the doll in his apartment. Costanza comes home and we get an exterior shot to the sound of his scream. Roll credits.
Anyway, the important takeaway in all this is that you shouldn’t fish someone else’s discarded life-size doll out of the trash for sloppy, inanimate seconds. It’s not only not sanitary and not as much fun as breaking in your own brand new sex doll, it can cause huge misunderstandings and get you in trouble with the law. I know I’ll be more cautious going forward.