Other Surprising Changes Barstool Employees Could Make Now That Riggs Fixed His Eyes

If you’ve missed the news of the day, that crossed eyed fuck Riggs straightened his eyes out. It was a major storyline at Barstool for years. The sky is blue. The grass is green. Riggs is cross eyed. This will change the course of Barstool history forever. It got me thinking of other surprising changes that Barstool employees could make to change content. 

Here’s the list I came up with…. 

-Zah becomes 6 feet tall

-Glenny Balls and Big Ev get their stomachs stapled

-Big Cat shaves his mustache 

-Marty Mush starts speaking coherent English and actually making sense when he speaks

-$20 Chef gets the same surgery Riggs got to fix whatever the fuck is going on with his eyes

-Gaz gets hair

-Gay Pat starts doing sex with girls

-Frankie gets a tan and grows a full beard

-Kayce starts exclusively wearing burkas 

-Mantis walks in with a straight back/whatever the hell is wrong him looks fixed

-I get a nose job

-Trent wears non-khaki pants

-Brandon Walker comes to work with a normal, adult haircut 

-Caleb comes to work with a buzzcut

-Smitty comes to work with a rounder, non-block shaped head

-Call Her Daddy comes to work. 

-Hubbs and Tyler O’Day’s have hairlines that actually start at their forehead 

-Blind Mike can see

-YP gets an ass reduction

-Coley Mick starts wearing button downs

-The Rocket comes in with calf muscles

-Vibbs no longer looks like a starving child from a third world country  

-KB starts making eye contact with people

What did I miss?