Ed Reed Saying He Became A Hall Of Famer Because He Was Conceived Around Playoff Time Was My Favorite Part Of Last Night's Hall Of Fame Game
Welp, it looks like neither kid in the Casa de Clem has a future at becoming a legend on the gridiron since they were both conceived (Read: I had unprotected sex with their mom, nbd) during the NFL’s offseason. Sure having a comically overweight smut blogger for a father as well as a mother that lacks the coordination to do a jumping jack correctly probably cemented their fate long before Ed unleashed last night’s fun fact on the world. But if Ed Reed says you need to have sex during the 4th quarter of the season to make a winner, I’m going to listen. Obviously a shitload of hard work, athleticism, and brainpower went into Ed Reed’s success. However, him having the mentality of a Football Guy and believing that Mama Reed and Papa Reed bumping nasties when the biggest games didn’t play some sort of a role in him getting an all-expense paid trip to Canton this weekend along with a yellow jacket tailored precisely to his dimensions is somewhere on the list, if not the top.
Oh yeah and having a good memory probably doesn’t hurt either, whether its knowing the tendencies of the All Universe QB you are going up against who is trying to figure out how the FUCK they are going to deal with Number 20.
Or using what the haters said about you on draft night to fuel your Hall of Fame career.
I need to hear Charley Casserly’s rebuttal to this if only because his 1950s cartoon villain voice is so great and ridiculous at the same time.
Also having the swagger to walk with a cigar during your on-field introduction doesn’t hurt anybody’s Hall of Fame case.
But I’m pretty sure that swagger is a pre-requisite to play at The U.
Anyway, congrats to Ed Reed on making The Hall and congrats to his parents on the sex more than 40 years ago. Because without that night of passion as the football season heats up while the temps get cold, we would not have seen one of the best to ever do it.
If Ed would like to talk about the secrets to football or parenting, I would welcome him onto The Podfathers with open arms. And if he can ensure me at the very least a Pro Bowler with a third child, I would welcome my wife’s dream of a third kid with open legs, because I haven’t gotten my vasectomy. Yet.
While we are here, my one conception tip (haha “conception tip”) is to set the mood with some Bruno Mars. Wifey and I tried a few months for both of our kids. But I was 2-for-2 in human creating while listening to Bruno Mars. I’m not guaranteeing a Hall of Famer or even a child with this strategy. But it sure as hell can’t hurt. And if you are looking for even more precise advice, my girl was conceived to “Gorilla” (A+ kid so far) while my son was conceived to “That’s What I Like” (B- kid so far, but I must admit he’s slowly improving).