I'm Getting McDonalds Hand Delivered To Me In The Club The Next Time I Get Bottle Service*

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Real quick it’s bullshit they don’t have the sparklers going. Only reason you ever get bottle service is for the sparklers and roman candles.

Ochocinco fucking LOVES McD’s. Dongies. Ronalds. Rons. McDicks. Whatever works for you works for Ochocino because that’s just Ochocinco life. Going to the club, drinking orange juice with extra pulp and crushing big macs while a decently high class escort holds your PS4 controller to keep the grease from compromising joystick related dexterity. Ochocinco has a FIFA reputation to protect and yes I realize we’re in a club getting bottle service with a bunch of sweet bros. But same time we’re talking about Chad Ochocinco and I’m just under the impression there’s a 70 inch PLASMA guy and a PS4 guy with him everywhere he goes. Kinda like how Mike Vick always has a weed guy with him except we’re talking about consumer electronics.

That would be pretty cool.

You know what else is pretty cool?

Having a couple number sevens and a filet o fish delivered to you at the club. It’s like the reverse sorority girl joke where she’s like Omg *~Britney~* I went out last night and like didn’t pay for drinks because Jacob basically knew like EVERYONE but then omg I spent $23 at McDonalds LOL OMG LOOK AT MY FUCKING RECEIPT YOU SLUT

It’s kinda like that but the complete opposite.

PS – My number in college when I was busy being a division 1 athlete was 43. Ipso Facto: Carl Quatro Tres is my alter ego when I have any/too much tequila. It’s the nature of the beast although up to you which one I’m talking about.

*Last time I got a table with my buddies I ended up gassing like 13 responsible Miller Lites over the course of a long evening of course and I’m not joking I don’t think the girls who make drinks at the table have been more disgusted with someone in their entire life. Sue me I’m just not a vodka cran guy.