John Fox Has Such An Awesome "I Just Got Off A Huge Bender Full Of Whiskey And Marlboro Red" Voice, Breaking Down His Introductory Press Conference

As you probably have figured out by now I’m not really into breaking down these press conferences in a traditional manner. They’re all kind of silly, reporter asks a generic question, coach says a bunch of things about the future, 20 of the exact same columns are written, rinse and repeat. So what did we actually learn from John Fox’s press conference. 5 crucial things.

1. John Fox doesn’t believe in looking in mirrors. Maybe the best advice I’ve ever heard. Just avoid all mirrors and nothing can keep you down. Vampire life. From here on out, no mirrors for me!

2.  As you can tell from the vine above, John Fox has an A+ party voice. He sounds like every guy who has ever gotten back from a 3 day bachelor party. Cigs, yelling, too much to drink and not enough sleep. Need that in my football coach, love it.    

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3. He’s going to reach out to Urlacher and make things right. This seems small and inconsequential but I like it. It shows that John Fox understands the history of what football means to this City. These are the type of moves that help you win fans in the media, which again doesn’t matter if you can’t win football games, but is important when trying to rebuild and gain public patience.    

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4. I’m 99% sure that John Fox took this job so he didn’t have to buy new clothes. I know it sounds crazy but our resident Narc Darren Rovell even got out his color wheel and did some investigating. D will tell on you, I on the other hand can respect a man who just wants to be comfortable and not go shopping. Think we can all relate to that type of laziness.

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5. John Fox either blends his words together or thinks Jay Cutler’s name is Jake. Power move to show up and not know anyone’s name, not going to lie, that’s the quickest way to gain respect.