True Life: My Mom Will Go To The Greatest Of Lengths Just To Throw A Party

Eddie 6/28/2019 4:30 PM

Eddie’s Note: This blog was written by our Summer intern – Intern Hannah. She’s written a little bit before, but this is her debut so please be nice to her as she’s only 22 years old and is currently fussy because she just quit using her Suorin.

Summer is in full force despite Chicago’s unconvincing weather. But more importantly, graduation parties are too. School has been out for about a month now and recent high school graduates are literally so ready ~to start a new chapter of their life~ but first, comes a party in preparation to be college bound. I, myself had a high school graduation party four years ago before I set off to further my education out West to the cornfields of Iowa. But somehow if you’re really really lucky, you’ll find yourself in the midst of preparing for another party in your honor except this time you’re worried about paying those student loans and what the hell you’re supposed to do for the rest of your life.

You must be thinking, “Isn’t it kind of strange to have a college graduation party?” and the answer is probably. But am I mad about it? Absolutely not! As the party is soon approaching, my mom, the ringleader of our family, has been on another level and kicking ass at making sure that our house is as beautiful as The Louvre. And no, our house doesn’t need much prep before the party, but you know how moms are when they get ready to host a party and/or holidays… They will do the most bizarre things in order to prep for it.

Now my saint of a mother, Flo, isn’t like the person in the video I’ve included to this blog, but there are definitely hilarious similarities in which moms make us do crazy things before our company arrives. Over the years, I’ve been used having to clean our house in order for it to be in tiptop condition before a big day, but some people might not be familiar.

For instance, I recently went to a graduation party that the family put a sign on their door saying “House under construction, sorry for the mess!” Turns out there was no actual construction being done to the house, they were just too lazy to clean the house before having a party. Those lucky sons of bitches. My mother would have a STROKE before doing something like that, you might as well just cancel the party. But why do moms pick the craziest chores just for people to come over, who in fact have seen the house on a regular basis? Easy. They will do THE MOST just to make the party perfect and 90% of that includes a clean and inviting home. Also alcohol, that definitely takes a party from 0 to 100 real quick, but that’s besides the point.

Here are a few things that my mom has done these past few weeks to get ready for our party:

Get all carpet cleaned by the one and only Stanley Steamer. Okay, so pretty normal, we love a good clean carpet but I’ll probably have to take a lint roller to it later to ensure that it is indeed, clean.
Get our driveway redone and asphalted… but not being able to use the driveway for five days.
Rinse, wash, and rinse again the outside of the house. The OUTSIDE.
Powerwash the front porch, then paint it all over again.
Wash all the cabinets, doors and walls inside the house. What if someone gets too close to the cabinets and sees dust???
Vacuum all of the curtains, and doors (?!?).
Clean out the fireplace just in case a guest wants to wind down at the end of the summer night with a nice warm fire.
Repaint all the outdoor furniture.
Scour every surface of the bathrooms, well any surface inside the house, really.
Put a fence up in the backyard.

Is this normal? I have no idea, this has become the norm for our household. Sure, maybe these tasks don’t seem too extreme, but thanks to the graduation party our house has gotten a facelift. And by no means am I shaming moms by their hard work and efforts to make sure their home blows everyone away, but I find it so fascinating by their determination to take their house and make it just as immaculate as one ready for an open house hoping to sell. Dads on the other hand, are trying to get the bare minimum done while also trying not to cross the mom during this crucial time period. For the love of God, dads, please don’t screw this up for us.

I think that most can agree that houses never look better than when there is a party or holiday being held at one’s residence, so for that we thank our mothers. And on Friday, once our guests are over, the drinking games are being played, and the drunk attendees attempt at karaoke, we (as in my mom) can all sit back and admire the long and strenuous preparation (by my mom) that got us to that point.

Until then, I’ll be digging weeds out of our brick walkway with a screwdriver, sweat dripping down my face thinking of better times.

Follow her @hannahisalegend