Good News For Us Fat People Scientists Are Now Developing Artificial Intelligence To Keep You On A Diet

(NYPost)–Harnessing user data, the app learns when diet lapses are statistically likely and then warns users right before the next one could happen.

Forman hopes OnTrack will be publicly available in the next year or two. Though users had to manually input data in early trials — like telling the program if they felt stressed — Forman said the end goal is to make OnTrack as automated as possible. For example, participants using new versions of OnTrack are incorporating data from sensors including FitBits to measure things like heart rate and even skin temperature, he said.

In general I am NOT cool with Artificial Intelligence. I’ve seen Terminator and all those movies where the machines rise up and kill all of humanity and I want no part of that shit. Keep machines smart enough to tell me everything in the world that I need to know like how to get from my apartment to anywhere that is more than 2 blocks away. That’s basically it. Anything more than google scares me.

Having said that, the only thing that exceeds my irrational fears is my vanity and insecurity. If some robot can help me get hot and skinny then I am all for it. I have tried everything to lose weight. GNC pills that raise your body temp to burn fat, gluten free, keto, sugar free, you name it. Everything except for, you know, consistent exercise. Fuck that. I am looking for the short cut and hopefully AI can get me hot before they take over the world. Fair trade.

Forman used OnTrack himself to try breaking his post-dinner habit of snacking on Trader Joe’s tortilla chips. It worked — at least while Forman used the app. He knew it was just a machine acting on data he supplied. Still, it felt like “someone helping me do what I wanted to do,” he said.

He understands if someone would think that could get creepy. But Forman said the goal wasn’t forcing someone to do something against their will. “This was an extension of you helping you do what you want to do,” he said

I still don’t understand how this works though. Like, I don’t think my skin temp could ever make me not eat. This AI app has to do something more than that. Like maybe the final version is a hologram of someone judging you everytime you open the fridge

In the meantime maybe the beta mode works like if you’re about to do something “fat” like, I don’t know, casually eat an entire package of buffalo mozzerella cheese at 930pm during Game 5 of the NBA finals, hypothetically… you get a text and when you pick up your phone the camera is flipped to selfie mode so as soon as you look at this screen you’re staring at your own big fat Joe West gullet. Bad angles are the quickest way to correct a bad fat habit. Nothing works better than shame and as soon as AI figures that out we’ll all be skinny bitches.