Just A Friendly Reminder That HitchBOT Got Exactly What He Deserved. Which Was Death
Uhhhhh hey, Philly dot com. That shit ain’t painful at all, ya idiots. If anything those memories are filled with pride and satisfaction. There was a time when the world needed a hero to step in and save the day, but everybody else besides the great city of Philadelphia was a bunch of bitches and didn’t want to do anything about it.
Just in case some of you forgot, HitchBOT was a “robot” from Canada that had hitch-hiked his way across 6000 miles through Canada and the US. Now if you take one quick look at HitchBOT, he doesn’t appear to be too threatening. He’s just a bucket with some pool noodles for arms and legs. But just like you tell yourself every morning when you take a look in the mirror, it’s what is on the inside that matters. And inside HitchBOT?
Well who knows what this little fucker could have possibly been up to. Who knows what kind of data he could have been collecting. Keep in mind, this was a CANADIAN robot. I know we have a pretty friendly relationship with Canada and everything but that doesn’t change the fact that it was a foreign robot that was in this country illegally. I feel like if this was a Russian hitch hiking robot, the country would have thrown Philly at least 5 dozen parades by now for killing that little son of a bitch. But because everybody thinks that Canadians are all so nice and innocent, everybody uses HitchBOT as a way to “dunk” on Philly.
All I’m saying is that HitchBOT got exactly what he deserved. Never once did HitchBOT tell us what his motivations were. We could have worked things out with him but he wanted to be a coy little bitch. That shit may fly somewhere like Iowa or something where they’d just take you inside and feed you a couple sticks of butter. But in Philly? Not a chance, cowboy. You pull a stunt like that around these parts, Canadian robot or not, you’re gonna get got. Moral of the story is this was the dumbest robot of all time, and we did the whole world a favor for neutralizing the threat. So somebody tell Jeopardy to suck it.