There's Nothing Like Cracking Open A Nice Cold Tallboy Of Some High Quality H2O
Business Insider – With $1.6 million in fresh seed funding led by Science Inc., co-founder and CEO Mike Cessario is ready to bring Liquid Death, his direct-to-consumer canned water startup, to prime time. That’s right: Despite the name, Liquid Death is nothing but good old fashioned H2O, served in a tallboy can.
Cessario is familiar with eye-catching marketing, having worked on viral promotions for Netflix original series like “House of Cards,” “Stranger Things,” and “Narcos.” He tapped into his background playing in punk and heavy metal bands to come up with Liquid Death, because “nothing’s better than water at murdering your thirst.”
Let me just make one thing abundantly clear real quick–if you’re not gassing down some tallboys of water this summer, you’re a certified bitch.
There are very few things in this world that are cooler than being the guy who is walking around with a really big can of beer. It shows everybody that you’re the man. And although this may not be scientifically proven, I feel pretty certain that every dude who has ever cracked open a tallboy has gotten laid because of it less than 20 minutes later. So we’re all in agreement here that tallboys are the shit. But one of those things that just so happens to be cooler than tallboys?
Hydration.
I mean hydration is the key to life. Without water, we’re all dead. And being dead? Well that’s not cool. Not sure how many dead dudes are out there getting laid but it can’t be many, and it’s gotta be way less than the amount of dudes who are getting laid because they’re drinking tallboys. So now you’re telling me that I can drink out of a tallboy AND stay hydrated AND the product is called something totally bad ass like “Liquid Death”? Well sign me right the fuck up, cowboy. I am going to be shotgunning Liquid Death all summer ’19. Hot Seat: my thirst, because that shit is about to get brutally murdered.
And don’t even get me started on the impact that this product is going to have on beer league athletics. There’s nothing worse than being the little bitch on the bench of a beer league hockey game slugging down a bottle of Dasani. Makes you look like a total pussy being the guy who is chugging water rather than gassing down a nice cold Molson. But now you can mix a few Liquid Deaths out there on the bench and nobody will even be able to tell the difference. Imagine the type of numbers you’ll be able to put up this season if you’re not blacked out by the time the 3rd period starts? Thank god for tallboys of water and the $1.6 million in United States legal tender that was raised in order for this product to come to reality.