Rick Reilly's Poem About The Jets Is Rock Bottom For Sports Journalism
ESPN –
QB or not QB
That is the question.
Who should the Jets start?
Who should the Jets shun?
Dealt a hand of 5
None of them a king
They have to find one
Can we re-deal this thing?
They cut Tim Tebow
A big deletion
20 mag covers
6 completions
(Tim was just voted
“Most Influential”
Whoever they asked
Must be demential)
They could start Sanchez
But fans would grumble
His most famous play
Is the butt fumble
Rex Ryan’s seat is hot
Mark’s been killin’ him
What hurts worse is
He makes 8 million
They picked brash Geno
Who’s a bit of a diva
He says he’ll behave
But who’s a believa?
Smith doesn’t listen
He’d much rather text
Try that in meetings
His phone will get Rexed
What about Dave Garrard?
He stands tall among men
But hasn’t thrown a pass
Since 2010
Garrard was a Jag
Who never flew high
Guess J.A.G. means
“Just Another Guy”
Then there’s McElroy
The ex-‘Bama gun
Has a hot girl, too
Or … is that the other one?
Matt Simms has good genes
But his hope is slim
Coaches over 40
Rarely play The Sims
If the Jets were a car
They’d need a loaner
Is it possible
To fire the owner?
Not much of a group
But Rex says: “Compete!”
(This will be less fun
than looking at feet)
Let the battle start
though the talent’s thin
But wait — what happens
If nobody wins?
I don’t even know where to fucking begin with this. My first reaction was that this has to be a joke. That Rick Reilly is trolling. That this is some sort of experiment or bet he made with some colleagues like “I bet you on Monday I can publish a piece of shit poem about the Jets and I’ll still be the talk of the sports journalism world.” Or maybe this week was just flat out Mail Time for Rick Reilly. Maybe he just had nothing in the pipe line and was like “Roses are red, violets are blue, the Jets fucking suck, and this column does too.” But there is absolutely no way Rick Reilly spent more than 7 minutes writing this poem and there’s absolutely no way he was like “Yup. Knocked it out of the park.” Just no chance anyone can actually think this is a quality piece of work.
But I guess thats exactly the case, right? Thats what makes Reilly, Reilly. He really does think this is an awesome feature. He really thought he hit a home run when he recited that poem after the Super Bowl. This is like his new shtick that he thinks is award winning stuff. If it turned out he just didn’t give a fuck about his viewers or readers any more and was basically like “Eh, fuck it,” I think I’d actually respect him more. But the fact that he is doing these pathetic poems and you know he thinks he’s the cat’s pajamas makes me hate him 500 times more. Its like just when Reilly can’t get any worse he goes and gets INFINITELY worse. Makes me wanna puke.