My Rejected BuzzFeed Article
This is a piece that I submitted for BuzzFeed’s annual Junior Publisher Challenge. I was really proud of it it, but apparently it wasn’t “relatable enough” for them. Whatever.
12 Things That Are Just TOO Relatable To EVERY College Student (Past And Present, But Especially Kent State Grads Who Attended College from 2011-2017)
1. That demoralizing feeling when you thought your parents sent you a care package, but it’s just a large box of yellow jackets and a note that says “you’re a gigantic disappointment” in Wingdings size 72 font.
2. That stressful moment during finals week when you have 2 exams the next day but you can’t motivate yourself to study because you’re too worried about the possible extinction of the Blue-Throated Macaw and Northern White Rhinoceros.
3. That feeling of panic you get when you’re at a party and suddenly realize you have an online quiz due at midnight, but then you remember you’re actually just tripping on a large dose of hallucinogens and you forgot that you already failed out of school and don’t even take classes anymore.
4. That awkward moment when you walk in on your roommate and his girlfriend role playing in Nazi uniforms, but you can’t stop watching because their fake German accents are impressively realistic.
5. That hilarious moment when you wake up after a long night of partying covered in tar and feathers, and your roommate is standing in the corner of the room dressed like a 17th century British nobleman and laughing menacingly.
6. That stressful moment when you’ve been in the library for 12 hours straight, and you’re still nowhere near finished studying all the sex tips and dating advice from your Cosmopolitan magazine collection.
7. That devastating moment when you go to the ATM to take out money to pay your drug dealer, but you only have a balance of $7,000 because your parents were too busy yachting off the coast of Monaco to put more money in your account.
8. That exhilarating feeling when your roommate goes home for the weekend so you have 2 whole days to work on your wizard spells and practice witchcraft in private.
9. That awkward moment when the lights randomly turn on in the basement of a frat party and you realize the girl you’ve been making out with all night is actually just a cardboard cutout of Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
10. That awful feeling when you’re extremely hungover during your 8am class and your Filipino professor keeps pausing the lecture to roast you in Tagalog for being a pussy.
11. That confusing moment when you come out of a black out at a random party and you realize that the “jungle juice” you’ve been drinking is actually just V8 tomato juice and everyone at the party is dressed like Veggie Tales characters.
12. That bittersweet moment when you catch your crush LARPing on campus with other guys but her technique and swordsmanship is terrible so you’re no longer attracted to her.