How Does the Patriots Rookie Class of Girlfriends Stack Up? Barstool Investigates.

There is possibly no core philosophy more central to the sustained success of the Patriots Dynasty than two simple words: “Winners Wanted.” When you are marching into battle under the banner of House Belichick, those words are emblazoned on it below its sigil, which is the majestic cougar.

The Pats want men who strive for success not just on the field, but in all aspects of their lives. In the gym. In the film room. In the practice bubble. At home. And in the bedroom. This after all is a team whose players have been romantically involved with world reknown fashion icons, Miss USA contestants, Miss Universes, Victoria Secrets models, adult film stars, cheerleaders and Hooters Hall of Famers. So no one dating a 6.5 need apply.

To that end, let’s get to know the ladies of the Patriots Class of 2019.

1. N’Keal Harry.
Lady friend: Kianna Ibis

Kianna is a star on the ASU women’s basketball team and the two started dating when he was a freshman and she was a sophomore. Which got him the honor of getting to join Pikachu in popping out from behind their famed Curtain of Distraction (which might be famed but I’ve never heard of it) to make someone brick a free throw.

So she’s attractive and an achiever in her own right and should be a welcome addition to the roster.

2. Joejuan Williams
Ladyfriend: No information available.

He’ll have to work on that, starting with rookie minicamps.

3. Chase Winovich
Ladyfriend: Madonna’s daughter Lourdes Leon (one date)

Winovich told Rich Eisen the story about shooting his shot with Madonna’s daughter when they were at Michigan together. And has been telling it a lot lately because “at least five” asked him about it at the Combine:

“I emailed her and told her I was trying to join the school of music, theater, and dance. So one thing led to another and we went on a date.”

Once the date transpired, Winovich tried to impress her in different ways.

“At one point she was like ‘I’m hungry’, and I was like ‘what do you want?’, she’s like ‘these appetizers look good so I ordered every single appetizer that was on the menu, I was like ‘we’ll take one of everything’.”

Winovich went on to talk about how he performed a magic trick with ‘snapping fingers’ that made her go ‘whoa!’.

You have to admire the kid’s motor and drive. His technique is a little raw, but they can coach him up.

4. Damien Harris
Ladyfriend: @mallieannmarie (a while ago at least)

This exchange was from 2016, which in college dating years is like a millennium. And there’s nothing on her timeline about him getting drafted. But she does RT Barstool posts. So Brent Musberger was wrong. It’s not just quarterbacks who get all the smokeshows at Alabama.

5. Yodny Cajuste
Ladyfriend: No information available

As far as I can tell the O-lineman out of West Virginia isn’t seeing anyone. At least not anyone he’s talking about online. So here’s Shelby Waddle, the one he’s going to have to replace, since LaAdrian is now with Buffalo. The pressure’s on:

6. Hjalte Froholdt
Ladyfriend: Ashley Jasmine

So here’s another Patriots rookie with an attraction to other fierce warrior princesses competing for their same school. This one with the name of a dancer at a gentleman’s club but the heart and fire of a DI college softball athlete.

7. Jarett Stidham
Ladyfriend: Kennedy Brown

Kennedy is not only Stidham’s fiance, and an athlete in her own right as an Auburn soccer player, her dad is Tad Brown, the CEO of the Houston Rockets.

That’s how you show you belong.

8. Byron Cowart
Ladyfriend: No information.

Google “Byron cowart girlfriend” and all you get is links to the time he said he was recruited by Auburn but they were the girlfriend “that got away.” So here’s some more of the Auburn Tiger they did draft. Just to show him what he missed by going to Maryland.

9. Jake Bailey
Ladyfriend: No information

He’s a punter and I’m not sure they attract mates until they start earning NFL paychecks. So I’d post special teams captain Matthew Slater’s wife since she’s a doctor who graduated from Brown and is impressive as hell. But the Slaters have zero social media profile. So here’s Mr. & Mrs. Dont’a Hightower. You better not piss this man off by shanking one off your foot and put an opposing offense in good field position or there will be chunks of you in his stool.

10. Ken Webster
Ladyfriend: No information

Oh well. Not all of these searches will turn up anything. And it’s not the easiest task to crack a deep secondary roster as the 252nd pick. But then again, they’ve had plenty of undrafted defensive backs come in and do great things. And since Webster will be having to defend him in practices in order to make the squad, here’s Julian Edelman’s baby’s mom:

Good luck to all you guys. Never forget how high the standards are here.