Clay Buchholz Just Gave Up A Home Run To Pablo Sandoval In A Game Where He's Opposing Drew Pomeranz

I woke up this morning, looked at today’s pitching matchups around the league and was stunned when I saw who would be clashing in Toronto this afternoon. Clay Buchholz versus Drew Pomeranz with Pablo Sandoval swinging it for the Giants. The Red Sox Unholy Trinity of Suck. I couldn’t believe my eyes. A true sign of the apocalypse.

I don’t think I’ve anticipated a pitching matchup like this since Roger Clemens versus Pedro Martinez in 2003. And then in the fifth inning…it happened. Pablo Sandoval hit a home run off of Clay Buchholz in support of Drew Pomeranz.

I don’t know, man. I don’t know how to feel. All three of these men have robbed me of so much happiness. Enjoying Buchholz getting taken to the moon is also partaking in the enjoyment of Sandoval’s success, and I could never do that. I hate Sandoval more than anyone or anything in this world. I don’t even hate Buchholz. I just hate how much he sucked when he could’ve been great the entire time he was in Boston.

As I write this, Pomeranz has a one-hitter going. What? Sandoval is hitting .344 with an OPS of a thousand. What? Despite having a 4.60 ERA, Buchholz would have the second best ERA on the Red Sox staff right now. What?

The end is near. And to be honest, I don’t even care.