It's A Travesty And Miscarriage Of Justice That I Am Not The #1 Ring Girl Guy Again
So Rough N Rowdy 8 is this Friday in West Virginia and I have MAJOR beef with whats going on with our Ring Girl Guy situation. My beef is that I unfortunately was NOT asked to come back and be the ring girl guy after an electric performance in RNR6 in Jacksonville. I understood my absence from RNR7. It was Super Bowl week and we had 75% of the office in Atlanta so it may have been a stretch to have me down there just for that specific reason. Jared “The Saugus Rocket” Carrabis filled in during my absence and was satisfactory. Nothing extra, nothing fancy, but he got the job done. Now me on the other hand, I bring a whole other meaning to the “Ring Girl Guy” title. I’m a showman so I like to bring a lil extra sauce to the position. Some flair that you just can’t teach, either you have it or you don’t. (I do and you probably don’t)
I mean common this content speaks for itself. Pure electricity from the big man in the Hawaiian shirt. Name one other Ring Girl Guy who hit a Milly rock with as much drip and elegance as that? Name one other Ring Girl Guy that can look that good next to 15 beautiful Ring Girls? Actually don’t even waste your time thinking about it because you can’t, I’m the only one.
If you watched RNR6 you may remember (you definitely remember if you watched and have a pulse) I’m the only Ring Girl Guy in the history of RNR to ever sanction two girls making out in the ring. I’m in my own stratosphere of Ring Girl Guy power rankings and it’s not close. So much on a level of my own that it’s just a competition for second at this point.
Shoutout Kate for recognizing my talents in the early stages of my ring girl guy career. My sheer presence alone made for a red hot opening and the rest is history.
A very wise man once said “When you do what you love, you never work a day in your life.” This man could recognize this in me all the way from Canada. There is no one that has loved being the RNR Ring girl guy more than me. I live and breathe this job. I was made for this job. I AM the RNR Ring Girl Guy, not that old creepy asshole who no one likes. Whether I’m there or not that spirit will live inside of me for an eternity.
Now on to my arch nemesis, I have no idea what his name is so I’ll just call him the creepy old guy who stumbled into being the original ring girl guy. Some people have been clamoring about his experience on the ropes with him performing at multiple events. Does this look like someone with experience?!
He had no idea what the fuck he was doing! That girl could have broken multiple bones in that ring! She was stumbling all over the mat, lost her weave and clearly had indulged in some alcoholic beverages. We were on the verge of having a casualty on our hands! So what does the creepy old guy do?! ABSOLUTELY. FUCKING. NOTHING. He didn’t even help her through the god damn ropes! Caleb even had to pick up the slack and help her down the stairs! He’s busy enough doing ringside interviews he doesn’t need to be worried about saving the clueless creepy old guy from fucking up his job too!
If you want to see a true professional at work, this is how it’s done.
Look at that flawless execution! I was a rookie with the prowess of a seasoned vet in the ring girl guy game. I took that sign and opened those ropes for her PERFECTLY. 10/10 type stuff. I even gave her a hand down the steps like a true gentlemen. I’m an undeniably natural Ring Girl Guy. It’s in my DNA.
To keep this blog unbiased and one with journalistic integrity, I reached out to our most experienced Ring Girl, Queen E, to get her thoughts on the matter.
What more needs to be said? Words from the Queen of RNR herself saying the Ring Girls NEED me back. It would be a miscarriage of justice to have anyone else in that role besides me. It’s for the safety of the girls. They are who I fight for and why I care so much about this role. They need to be protected and the creepy old guy comes up miserably short. He scares the girls and was a mere seconds way from having blood on his hands if something happened to that poor ring girl. Do the right thing Dave and Erika, not for me, but for the girls.
No matter who is there as the Ring Girl Guy RNR is the best most electric event we put on as a company. Non stop action packed fights with Dave, Big Cat and Robbie giving amazing play by play and commentary. Let’s fucking GO.
Here’s the 2 ways to order RnR 8 this Friday night
1. Get it for FREE with Barstool Gold Hardcore Membership. As an added bonus you can get immediate access to all things Barstool Gold – including the Barstool Sports Documentary, and unlimited replay for ALL RnR broadcasts.
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2. Or get just the pay-per-view event for only $19.99, with 48 hour replay. Buy one-time pass >>