Does This Look Like The Face Of A 325 Pound Man Who Broke Into A Lingerie Store And Spent 2 Hours Trying On Underwear And Experiment With Sex Toys?

FEBRUARY 25–An Iowa man who broke into a lingerie store spent two hours inside trying on garments and experimenting with sex toys, cops allege. Jose Angel Perales, 24, was arrested Friday on burglary and theft charges in connection with the February 17 break-in at Dr. John’s Lingerie Store in Davenport. Perales, seen in the adjacent mug shot, was released from custody after posting $5000 bond. According to a court complaint, Perales entered the lingerie store through an unlocked door around 4:10 AM. A police review of store surveillance video revealed that Perales–5’ 11” and 325 pounds–“walked around the store and shopped.” Then, in what will surely repulse Dr. John’s staffers, Perales walked into the manager’s office, removed his clothes, opened some of the merchandise, and “began to please himself anally on the manager’s desk and futon/couch.” The burglar “then walked out of the office naked showing the large tattoo on his back. The tattoo read “PERALES” in Old English lettering.” The distinctive ink helped cops eventually identify Perales. During his time inside the store, “Perales proceeded to try on female lingerie andexperiment with sex toys for approximately two hours,” the complaint notes. When he departed Dr. John’s he was “wearing a dress and blond wig belonging to the business.” He also left with a bag “containing various items belonging to the business.”

The report says the door was unlocked but you wanna know the real reason why Angel Perales had all night to try on lingerie and play with sex toys at Dr. John’s? Because there ain’t one cop in the world who’s responding to 4am report that theres a 325 pound Hispanic man ass fucking himself on a futon at the shopping center. Thats gotta be the exact moment you regret going into law enforcement. “Attention all units we have a B&E occurring at Dr. John’s. Suspect is 5’11, 3 and a quarter. Dressed in drag. Armed with anal probe.” Thats when you just turn your radio off and call it a night. Sorry chief, I wasn’t in the area. Let Jose Angel Perales milk himself dry and we’ll arrest him at his home in the morning.