BREAKING: El Chapo Found Guilty On All Charges

ABC News- Notorious Mexican drug kingpin Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman has been found guilty on all charges by a jury in Brooklyn federal court. Jurors were asked to weigh 10 counts against Guzman, each with different components. Guzman’s federal drug conspiracy trial started three months ago. The verdict comes on the sixth day of jury deliberations. Prosecutors accused Guzman of trafficking cocaine, heroin, methamphetamine and marijuana into the U.S. as a top leader of the Sinaloa Cartel. The defense asserted Guzman, 61, was the victim of an elaborate conspiracy.

DOWN GOES EL CHAPO! DOWN GOES EL CHAPO!

I mean yeah this is the least surprising news ever because no one has ever been more guilty than El Chapo. The dude murdered the most people and sold the most drugs of any person ever. Not to mention he’s probably gonna escape again anyway so this doesn’t even matter but I just wanted to give El Chapo a quick shoutout. Few men have ever provided as much blog fodder as him over the past 6 months. It’s been an endless supply of bloggable stories from him.

Just look at all these

He’s been giving me and Kmarko lay up after lay up after lay up these past few months. He’s a maniac and you couldn’t make up better stories to blog. So shout out to El Chapo*.

*minus the 13-year-old girl stuff. That was bad.