Barstool Brown: I Had A Service Come To Pick Up My Dog's Shit

I feel like I need to get out in front of this one. Yes, I had a service come and pick up my dog’s shit. Yes, that’s lazy as hell. No. I dont care. It was an absolutely wonderful experience from top to bottom. I’ve known that we were gonna have this service for a few weeks, so I’ve been letting the poop stack up so high that I felt like Sylvia Cynthia Stout who would not take the garbage out. RIP to longtime stoolie Shel Silverstein.

There was poop after poop after popp after poop in my back yard. Next thing I know, Poop911 rolls up with their bucket and their gloves and they get to work. I’ve never seen people move in such an organized manner. It was like watching the poop version of the off-Broadway show Stomp.

I watched from the window because I didn’t want them to see my face. I wanted them to do the job and get out of there. Truth be known, they didn’t even knock on my door. They just went in the backyard, picked it up, and left. The year-long gift card is saved on file so they don’t ever need to talk to me, it’s perfect.

*It wasnt actually a gift. I said that to test the waters. I’m paying for it. It’s expensive but worth it. I dont like picking up shit anymore and it’s like 10 dollars a week which is only a stack a month. Suck it, haters. I’m a common man for the common man who doesnt like picking up his common dog’s poop anymore.

Furthermore, if anyone wants to get into the fish worm/dog poop business, hit me up. I think I have a great idea.