How Simon Ruined Keri
I know it’s late, but quick question…
Does anybody remember Felicity?
I barely do, but for those who never heard of it, Felicity was a terrible romance/drama TV series created by J. J. Abrams (Alias, Lost, at least one of the Mission Impossible flicks, a recent Star Trek movie, a recent Star Wars movie, etc) that aired from 1998-2002.
The series revolved around the fictional college experiences of the title character, Felicity Porter (portrayed by Keri Russell) after she leaves her home in California to attend the “University of New York” (NYU would not allow the use of their name on the show). The show’s four seasons corresponded with Felicity’s freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior years.
The show was relatively wholesome until the end of her sophomore year. It was then that Felicity lost her virginity to an art student played by ex-MTV-VJ Simon Rex. The episode was considered controversial by 1999’s standards, and sponsors threatened to pull ads in response to writers robbing Felicity of her innocence.
It didn’t help that the innocence-robbing Simon Rex was at one time a nude model who filmed a masturbation scene that ‘a friend’ told me is still very popular on gay porn sites.
Outside of that dalliance with Simon’s Rex, Felicity managed to complete its run with no other controversy save for the episode where Keri Russel cut her signature long curly hair.
Fast forward 17 years, and as I am watching The Golden Globes a couple of weeks ago, I see Russel still experiencing critical success after her newest TV show, The Americans on FX, took home the award for Best Drama.
After digging just a tiny bit, I found the plot of The Americans appealing… It’s a 6 season spy thriller set during the Reagan administration. I did a couple more searches just to see if it was worth a binge and decided it was. Especially since the Reagan administration was arguably when I was at my most attractive.
(I miss that sportscoat)
Fast forward to today… My family was either out of the house or in bed, so I bought a shitload of Chik-Fil-A, dialed it up on Netflix, and sat my ass down for an Americans marathon.
I should’ve taken my pants off first.
Apparently, Keri’s character has come a loooong way sexually since she left the University of New York, changed her name from Felicity to Elizabeth, and joined the KGB.
And as you can see from above, part of her sexual growth involved donning a blond wig and participating in a three-way/covert op.
Another part involved her kicking some guy’s head through a wall.
The WB Channel never showed Felicity’s first-time on camera, but apparently, FX loves to show Elizabeth getting it from behind.
And as much as Keri was reticent to show Felicity’s blue side, Elizabeth is not ashamed to show her husbands backside in this 69 scene that was interrupted by her nosy fucking daughter.
Not sure I will make it through all 6 seasons tonight, but for now, The Americans has filled the hole left by Felicity that I never knew existed… And then some.
Bottoms up, Keri, and take a report.
-Large