WhiteSoxDave Is Buying Us A Horse

Carl 1/2/2019 3:16 PM

Now that we’re full-time a big question we keep getting is “Are you guys getting into horse racing?” Weird question, right? Wrong. Dave Portnoy owns a lot of horses. Some people would even say it’s a thing. And if we want to make Barstool Chicago work – Dave says – we need to get into a horse racing. So we’re getting a horse.

HEY CARL HOW MUCH THEY PAYIN YOU GUYS

Idk how about enough to own fractional rights to a low-grade horse at Churchill downs. How about that much.

Anyways, point is WhiteSoxDave has spent the first morning of our first day being full-time going into his personal finances and just how bad he needs this horse. Spoiler alert: v, v bad. The White Sox are projected to go Not Enough Wins – Too Many Losses this year. White Sox Dave needs this, guys.

So we’re getting a horse. I don’t know jack shit about horses other than one threw me to the ground in July 1996 in the Missouri Ozarks. It sucked and I’m still salty but I want a piece of big time life so I turn our collective attention towards the Churchill Downs pitchbook on this exclusive opportunity to own a real life fucking horse:

For one-time membership dues of $500, members will experience Thoroughbred racehorse ownership with a horse that will be purchased, trained and managed by horseman Dallas Stewart, the charismatic Kentucky Oaks-winning trainer that has won more than 750 races.
“Owning a racehorse is one of the most exciting experiences in all of sports,” said Mike Ziegler, Executive Director of Racing for Churchill Downs Incorporated. “We gave our fans an opportunity to learn what it’s all about last year and had a tremendous amount of fun – and luck – working with hall of famer D. Wayne Lukas and the two exceptional club horses, Warrior’s Club and Dial Me. We’re hoping this year’s club can be just as successful.”

I have zero clue how the finances in this work and I can promise you White Sox Dave knows even less. But again none of that matters because we need to literally get a pony in the game. Then come Summer 2019 the prize fight in Rough N Rowdy will actually be a horserace: Barstool Chicago vs. every goddamn horse Dente owns.

PS – we are actually also very interested in purchasing Maywood Park and repurposing it as a Barstool Track. Conversations with Dave Pornoy to secure this investment are ongoing, but he’s as motivated as you are to turn the near west side of Chicago into a horseracing mecca.