Counterfeit Condom Ring Busted in China

Police seized 500,000 boxes of counterfeit Durex condoms, complete with matching fake branded boxes, from workshops in three Chinese provinces. Seventeen people were arrested in Hebei, Henan, and Zhejiang after cops were tipped off that a local businessman was selling condoms for suspiciously low prices.

“The hygienic conditions in those villages were very bad. We saw the condoms they were making – they blended the condoms with silicone oil in a bucket. It was totally below official manufacturing standards,” said Cangnan police chief Zheng Xidan. The phony rubbers were made in Henan and Hubei provinces, then packaged in Zhejiang, according to authorities.

While the fakes were found to contain fungi, thin patches, and holes, retailers apparently couldn’t resist a bargain – the gang sold them wholesale for 14 cents per pack, a bargain compared to $22 for the real thing.

The condom scene in China is rough enough without having to worry about buying fake rubbers. I’m not exactly packing a rope down there and even I have trouble getting them on so it’s no wonder the entire country of Zimbabwe had a few complaints as well. (Ts & Ps to Zah’s family)

Furthermore, if you can’t read Chinese it’s tough to know what type of condom you’re buying. When I see packaging like this,

I can only assume the condoms inside are made out of denim, which isn’t a very exciting prospect for my dick. I wear underwear for the sole purpose of keeping my jimmy off jeans.  And then there’s the “corndoms.”

Corn scented? Corn flavored? Made with corn husks? Made for people who have corn cob sized dicks? Kernel sized bumps on the outside for her pleasure? Shits confusing. I’d usually just end up buying Jissbons because I loved the name. Jissbons…like a bonnett…for your jiss. They’d always break after like 4 pumps. Luckily I’d usually be finished by then but I digress…What I’m trying to say is that I can, and have, learned to live with tiny corn flavored condoms that break 90% of the time. However, fungi infested condoms some dude has already used before is a different story. Thus, I’d like to officially announce that I will no longer be using condoms in China. You can never be too safe.

P.S. If I ever have a half-chinese kid I’m gonna name him “Yung Chino.” Not sure why but I decided that like four years ago and I’m sticking with it. Wonton Don and Yung Chino, an unstoppable father-son duo.