A Man Was Unhappy When His Massage Ended Happily

NY Post- Ronnie Arnau, of Woodland Park, NJ, says he visited the upscale Living Fresh Men’s Spa on West 22nd Street with his husband on Sept. 8, thinking he was getting a massage and facial.

Arnau, 34, lay face down on a table, clad only in a towel, as masseur Pei Tian began “what appeared to be a normal massage,” according to his Manhattan Supreme Court lawsuit.

But 10 minutes into the session, Tian started to focus “exclusively on Arnau’s buttocks for an inordinate amount of time, making Arnau very uncomfortable,” court papers say.

“As Arnau became more and more uncomfortable with Tian’s focus on his buttocks, Tian moved his fingers below Arnau’s buttocks and began caressing” his privates, the suit says.

“At no point had Arnau indicated, orally or otherwise, that he consented to Tian touching his penis. Nor did he ever indicate any desire for him to do so,” according to the lawsuit.

Arnau was so shocked by Tian’s actions that “he completely froze” until the masseur “threw off his towel and told him to turn over,” the suit says.

“At that point, having shaken off his initial state of shock, Arnau abruptly rose from the massage table and demanded that Tian leave the room,” according to court papers.

The rattled client immediately called cops, who arrived and arrested Tian, the suit says.

The worker was charged with forcible touching and sexual abuse, according to court papers, although an NYPD source said there is no record of the arrest.

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Oh please. What? What the fuck Ronnie? You had the guy ARRESTED? I wasn’t there, even though it sounds like a place I’ll visit soon, so we can only decide our case based on the facts reported by the reputable NY Post. BUT here’s what I know about happy endings: there’s a code. Your masseuse will ask you, “have you been here before?” And if you reply, “Yes,” you will receive happiness. That’s it! That’s the key. That’s how we make sure that both parties are on the same page. That’s consent in its most glorious, explicit form. Unless Ronnie has actually been to this place before. In which case, uhm, it’s totally unclear.

Now, I’ve never dabbled in the world of “upscale men’s spas” with my husband, so there may be a different system in place. But if you believe that Ronnie’s masseur was rubbing his butt against his will for “an inordinate amount of time,” and then he moved down to his weiner, at which point he “froze,” I’ve got a bridge to sell you. If you don’t like it when a guy/girl rubs your butt, then your genitals, for what sounds like a pretty long time, you don’t freeze. Frankly, I’ve never been so overcome by shock that I froze and let the behavior continue until I ejaculated came to my senses and realized there was some money to be made in a lawsuit. But then again, I always know exactly what I’m looking for in a massage parlor.

I suppose there’s no point in doing any personal research on this place now. They’ve probably got their guard up. I’m not going to go waste $100 on an anticlimactic massage. Poor Pei Tian worked there for a decade with no complaints, and now they’ll probably have to let him go. Let’s hope he lands on his feet/back somewhere.