Tide Fights Back Against Kids Eating Delicious Looking Tide Pods By Creating A Delicious Looking Box of Wine Detergent

Helllllllll yeah.  Anyone else think the Tide Pods were way too chewy?  Like the taste was incredible, but the polyvinylalcohol packet didn’t dissolve quick enough so it stuck in your gums and stuff.  The ethanol and hydrogen peroxide didn’t really bother me – every drug comes with a risk, and every drug is awesome.  Why would caustic burns to my esophagus and stomach lining prevent me from feeling happiness?  The world is too hard man.  If we can’t take the edge off just because of a little trip to poison control for chemical consumption what’s even the point of living?

But, like I said, the packet was tough to get through.  And experts were right – it was a little too appealing to young children.  Young children shouldn’t be eating detergent.  That’s why they took the steps necessary to rebrand and go after a much better detergent consuming generation: high school and college kids!

The ones who know how to eat detergent responsibly.  Ditch the candy-looking pods and go for a Box of Wine vibe, so everyone can line up at the party to have a chug off and slap the bag.  Little Tour de Tide Franzia.   Maybe next up is a keg design so you can keg stand it.

Yeah yeah yeah: “the box of liquid detergent contains 30% less H2O and is 4 lbs less than the regular 96-load jug and uses 60% less plastic. It’s good for the environment because it sends less packaging to landfills and it’s 33% lighter, consumes less fuel to ship.”  Blahhh blahhhh,  Since the fuck when does a huge company care about the environment?  Tide just simply knows how to party.

And on a serious note- I think Tide deserves a medal for their work in making laundry detergent look appetizing.  Ever heard of Natural Selection?  Tide is singlehandedly helping society weed out the people we don’t want in it.