Apple Unveils The New iPhone 6

Questions

1) Will the battery last longer than 1 hour on a Saturday afternoon when I’m at the bar refreshing football scores?

2) Can I watch porn on it without the browser crashing?

That’s honestly really all I care about so let me know when we get to that part of the press conference.

oh and BRUTAL look with the shirt tucked into the jeans. Either do some sit ups before the big announcement or wear a hoodie. One or the other. Figure it out.

PS

This guy couldn’t be more of an Apple hipster douche if he tried. Sweet infinity scarf nerd.