Kid Reporter Who Has "Strong Political Opinions" Is The Exact Polar Opposite of Kid Hubbs
I saw this kid on my Twitter feed this morning, and all I could do was laugh: 13 year old Phoenix in a fedora standing in Fox Square dishing out “strong political opinions” after “speaking to many people in the community.” Meanwhile 24 year old Hubbs doesn’t know who Beto O’Rouke is. 24 year old Hubbs is on the bus desperately trying to X out of election coverage to see where Bryce Harper is signing. And 13 year old Hubbs? 13 year old Hubbs was consumed with one thought and one thought only: trying to get a handjob. Maybe even just a little pee pee touch. Video games, pizza rolls, some porn when Mom went to run some errands, and obviously sports. You know. Stuff a 13 year old does. Gerrymandering and Electoral Colleges and Voter Fraud were of no concern to him unless they were storyline keywords for what he was trying to buffer on Limewire.
And then here comes Fedora Phoenix. The kid we all had in school who thought he was legit going to be President some day. Maybe even the next day. Took all the extracurriculars, sucked up to every teacher, read SAT prep books for fun, did community service without it even being court ordered. The one that stands in front of news cameras talking about Ted Cruz while the rest of us are trying to figure out how to make an apple bong in the bulkhead in the basement. Infuriating, because we all knew they’d be more successful than us. But at what cost?
You think Phoenix has any idea who Zion Williamson is? Think he has any idea Zion ate an entire team’s soul last night?
No fucking chance. He probably went to bed on his own at 7 PM to get the doctor recommended 8 hours for his bone growth and mental acuity. Probably even brushed his teeth too.
Nerd.
Kids: be more like 13 year old Hubbs.