Exploring the Conspiracy Theories on Josh Gordon's Un-benching

We’re a day removed from the mysterious case of Josh Gordon being reportedly benched in the Buffalo game for showing up late, then reportedly being only semi-benched for a series or two in the proud tradition of Wes Welkers Foot Pun press conference in the 2010 playoffs, and his eventual start in which he wasn’t even slightly benched. In fact, he ended up playing 84 percent of their plays, more snaps than any receiver besides Julian Edelman.

So what gives? What the hell happened? Did anything happen? Both parties involved were asked in their postgame pressers, and the reports were basically treated to the “Your call is important to us. Please wait on the line and your call will be answered in the order in which it was received” treatment.

Josh Gordon - “That’s a question you have to ask Coach about. But in relation to the game, I was available, so that’s a plus.”

Bill Belichick - “Yeah, I don’t know. You’d have to ask whoever wrote that. I have no idea.”

OK, let’s ask whoever wrote that:

Rapoport, as you’d imagine, stands by what he was told. And well he should because he’s definitely on the Nice List of reporters who break Patriots stories all the time. As a matter of fact, he’s doubled down this one:

And so the plot thickens. Or thins. Or there’s no plot because this is literally all we’ve been told. Including by Tom Brady, who was asked on WEEI this morning and pretty much said “Para Espanol, marque numero dos.”

So left with that information vacuum, the Internet did what it does best. Make up a bunch of conspiracy theories, each one more batshit than the last. In order not to give them any legitmacy they don’t deserve, I won’t link them. But trust me, they’re out there.

Theory 1: Disgruntled Patriots players leaked the report about Gordon.
This one posits the theorem that there are guys on the team still pissed off about Malcolm Butler being sat out of the Super Bowl. Gordon, it goes on to say, has been habitually late but has been getting a free pass and they’re sick of it. So they put it out there that Gordon is getting disciplined to make their evil head coach have to deny it.

Theory 2: Belichick is getting soft.
This is sort of a corollary of Theory 1. It’s that old chestnut about how he’s lost his locker room in the wake of Butler, of calling out Gronk for training under with TB12 Fitness, with Brady’s general disgruntledness and his own general assholery. This one presumes he went easier in training camp and is easing up on everyone and his new found de-emphasis on punctuality is part of the new, gentler him.

Theory 3: Belichick put it out there in order to ferret out a mole in the organization who’s leaking info.
This would not only be your classic spy movie counter-intel move. Put out false information to different people, wait to find out which lie gets repeated. Not only did this technique help Sansa Stark nail Little Finger, Bill Parcells was a master at it.

Theory 4: Belichick wanted to bench Gordon, but changed his mind once he got a load of this outfit:

I believe this one, just because I want to believe it. How do you not forgive that and thereby deny the world this in the postgame?

Theory 5: Belichick simply heard the report was out there and said “Fuck it.”
I’m going by the Occam’s Razor logic of taking all the speculation and assuming the simplest solution is the correct one. On TV after the game, Rob Ninkovich said he showed up late once without a decent excuse and was threatened with a benching. Threatened, but never actually punished. And Gordon got the same consideration. It’s not hard to imagine the story getting out there and Belichick just exercising his parental rights to change his mind. Not to make Rapoport look bad, but just to take this particular bat out of the hands of the press. And to kill a potential controversy while it’s still in the egg, then burn the nest. Also not to embarrass Gordon, who’s still trying to turn a corner in his personal and professional life. That would still beg the question of who put it out there if the coach wanted it kept in house. But that is part of the fun of dealing with the most secretive organization in all the world.

So hopefully the benching/semi-benching/un-benching succeeded and the message is delivered. Just show the fuck up on time, Josh Gordon. Never forget that he once sent Randy Moss and three other guys home for showing up late to meetings during a freak snow storm. And Brady was there before anyone else even though his wife had a baby the day before. It’s not too much to ask.