Congressional Country Club Member Narcs On Own Club For Cutting Down Trees

Golf Digest — According to the Washington Post, Congressional, past home to U.S. Opens and future site of the PGA Championship and Ryder Cup, has been cited by inspectors in Maryland’s Montgomery County for failing to obtain a permit for tree removal. The Post reports that officials discovered “over 20,000 sq. ft. of tree canopy” had been trimmed from the property.

Inspectors technically received notice from Helen Wood, a board member of the environmental nonprofit organization Conservation Montgomery. “We all have a stake, really, in their trees,” Wood told the Post. “By regulation, they have a plan that’s approved that allows them to have their beautiful golf course, their lovely grounds. But they have, if nothing else, a civic responsibility to fulfill their conservation role in the county. And that’s a legal responsibility.”

However, Wood was tipped off on the club’s dealings by someone on the inside. Specifically, a Congressional member who was fed up with the new look.

“I am [upset] because they’re ruining my club,” the member told the Post, speaking on anonymity because, let’s be honest, this person is losing his/her membership once their identity’s revealed. “I think they don’t want members to fuss. I think it [was] also quietly done so it didn’t draw attention from the county.”

So the hot trend in course restoration, maintenance and architecture is ripping out trees. Courses across the country have been ripping out trees for the past decade or so. They love it. The main reasons: 1) courses are infinitely easier to maintain with less tree coverage because the turf gets more sunlight; 2) nearly all courses, when built, didn’t have the tree coverage they have today and therefore were meant to play differently then than they do today with said tree coverage (ie: trees grow, so every single day a course has more tree coverage than it did they previous day and when you apply that phenomenon over dozens of years, you get a totally different golf course than originally intended).

Many people bitch about the removal of trees. For whatever reason, some golfers fucking LOVE trees and think they make courses more beautiful and difficult or something so they protest tree removal. Superintendents are always trying to get around these losers, so it’s not uncommon for big storms to coincidentally take out thousands of a golf course’s trees (with perfect, clean cuts; during Sandy, for example, many courses in the northeast “lost” thousands and thousands of trees).

Anyways, the point is this tattletale member is a giant fucking dork. Imagine narcing out your own club for failing to acquire a dumb permit for tree removal? Many people are saying this person should be kicked out of Congressional but that’s not what should happen. The club should make it impossible for he/she to leave and make his/her life absolutely miserable for the rest of his/her time there. Assessments out the ass. Terrible tee times. Marshall riding their ass every time they play, hounding them over pace of play. Put his/her locker right next to the shitters then rub poison ivy all over everything in the locker.

You get the point. I want this person to suffer and I’m not even a Congressional member. I’m just part of the tree removal gang and we ride together.