Marvel Does it Again. The 'Captain Marvel' Trailer is FIRE.

Notwithstanding that Marvel has now officially passed Pixar as the best movie studio of modern times, if Hollywood gave out awards for making movie trailers they’d sweep every category. (Note: For all I know, they do have awards for trailers like they do every other goddamned thing. If they give them out for things no one ever gives a second thought to like Best Achievement in Sound Editing, and trailers are a multimillion dollar undertaking that makes people run to YouTube every Tuesday and actually puts asses into movie seats, they certainly ought to.) Marvel just simply packages up their properties into 2-minute pieces of artwork. And marketing genius.

I mean, this thing has all the right beats to not only introduce a new character, but to establish an element of the MCU that is rumored to be critical in terms of resolving the fact that half the characters in the most successful film franchise of all time are currently flecks of dust blowing around in the wind.

The establishing shot: Captain Marvel falls from space through the roof of what turns out to be a Blockbuster video store, putting us in a specific time period:

She’s in a train station in her space suit, so it’s a fish out of water story:

Powers? Oh hell yeah, she’s got powers alright:

About that timeline? Yeah, Nick Fury has hair and two eyes:

She’s Brie Larson and therefore super attractive:

Flashbacks show us she was a sexy US fighter pilot. Like a female Maverick with her female Goose:

Now she’s a sexy alien fighter pilot:

She’s the kind of hero who’ll slap an old lady on the subway. Which tells us she’s either an elderly abusing sadist or the villains are posing as kindly old bags on the subway:

And finally, Young Agent Colson, bitches. And he’s got that 1987 pager from Lenscrafters that they teased in the Infinity War post-credits scene:

This is how you do it. This is how you gently fondle my little nerd nether regions and get me excited for you movie about an otherwise obscure, back-of-the-bench superhero character months before the film comes out. This is how you convince the public the run your studio is on didn’t peak with Infinity War or Black Panther and you’re not even remotely out of ideas.

And the meantime, the closest thing Marvel might have had to competition, DC Comics, can’t do anything right except for Wonder Woman. Henry Cavill is out. Batfleck is out. The most iconic comics heroes of all time have been reduced to strips of film run up the crack of Zack Snyder’s ass and that misguided pile of steaming Brontosaurus shit they called Suicide Squad. More than anything DC is putting out, more even than Star Wars Episode IX, I’m looking forward to Captain Marvel. I need this movie injected right  into my veins and I needed it five minutes ago.