Monday Homestretch-History of Exposed Breasts Edition
Good afternoon, all.
Markets weak across the board and the S&P is in danger of snapping a 5 session win streak as US/China trade worries take center stage again. Trump commented this morning that if countries won’t make fair deals with the U.S, they will be tariffed.
The U.S. has also called for an ‘urgent’ meeting today at the United Nations over recent sanctions involving North Korea, essentially pointing the finger at Russia for trying to undermine the process
One bright spot in today’s market is the fact cannabis stocks are rallying on news Coca-Cola is considering an investment in CBD-infused beverages. Mixing Coke and weed isn’t a new idea (“Coke before weed is fine indeed… Weed before coke, your night’s a joke.”), but seems like people are excited nonetheless.
Finance Calendar
Tuesday — General Mills and AutoZone earnings; US Treasury foreign bond ownership stats
Wednesday — Co-hosting Barstool Breakfast; Housing Starts for August (consensus estimate 1.24 mln)
Thursday — Darden Restaurants and Micron Technology earnings; Weekly Jobless Claims for period ending 9/15 (consensus 208,000)
Friday — Co-hosting Barstool Breakfast, S&P reclassification- This is where a number of major tech and telecommunications stocks will move to the communication services unit of the index, including Facebook, Netflix and Alphabet.
I posted an AFTP earlier today in a blog that was as base and smutty as I have ever done. I have gotten nothing but positive feedback on it (obviously), so if you don’t mind, I will stay in that vein as I give you all a quick history lesson right now.
Watched the 2018 Pornhub Awards last week with my kids, and I noticed frequent Barstool Sports contributor, Asa Akira, was wearing a dress that wound up being less-than-revolutionary.
It was a full length gown that was cut below her sternum, so both of her breasts were exposed. I would show pictures of it, but this is the “finance” section of a “family” site.
When Asa took the stage, my 5 year old son said, “Dad… Isn’t that dress a homage to the one Nicki Minaj wore to a fashion show in 2016?”
To which my 12 year old daughter said, “No, silly. Nicki wasn’t the first to do that at all. That type of public indecency started with Lil’ Kim in 1999 at the MTV VMA’s. Now, SHE was the pioneer of the exposed breast. And even though this happened years before I was born, I remember Diana Ross iconically jiggled Kim’s uncovered jug during an award presentation.”
Suddenly, out of nowhere, my grandmother chimed in from the kitchen… Apparently she still hears everything, even though she’ll be 102 in October.
Granny said, “You’re both wrong, my precious great-grandchildren. Those hoes are copying a 1907 painting by Picasso titled La Femme à L’éventail.”
Then before either of these three idiots embarrassed themselves any further, I spoke up, “You’re all wrong, and should probably not talk so much while I watch things like this.”
I continued in a cocky manner, “This fashion trend started way before the likes of Asa Akira, Nicki Minaj, Lil’ Kim, or even Pablo Picasso. True historians know that in the mid 1400’s Agnes Sorrel (also known by the sobriquet Dame de Beauté) was the chief mistress of King Charles VII of France, by whom she bore four daughters. She is widely considered the first officially recognized royal mistress. Sorel’s preferred mode of dress were regal-cut gowns that exposed the favorite of her 2 breasts (the left), and insisted on any portraits painted of her to reflect that fashion choice.”
And I finally summed up, “So you see, fictitious Grandma, daughter and son… You may think the bared knob is something of modern invent, but affluent women have been letting them fly since before Columbus sailed for the New World… Now go to bed, and don’t ever tell your mom I let you watch this.”
Take a report.
-Large
PS: All of the exposed breasts in this post are left breasts… Life is funny, right?