Donnie Does A Deep Dive Into The Denver Recreational Marijuana Scene
Did I mention the wedding reception also had an “All You can Suck” Oxygen bar?
Kids were sucking that thing all night being like “I don’t feel anything!” Ya no shit buddy it’s Oxygen, not a nitrous tank. Mix in a whip it for me one time. Anyways I’m sure you’re not reading a blog about my time in Colorado to hear about all the cool air I huffed, let’s get to the good stuff.
Our specific bus was empty except for two other chicks. Sounds like beginning of either a beautiful relationship or a bad porno right? Wrong. We were all too high to interact with each other in a meaningful manner so just passed joints back and forth while the bus driver blasted “X Gon Give It To You” By DMX.
These are all minor issues though. The real depressing thing about the tour is that Denver is a beautiful city surrounded by pristine nature that gets 300 days of sun each year.
We had booked a 3 hour time slot on the bus but after about two hours we realized it was impossible for us to get any higher and decided to hop off, head to a bar, and watch some football. Little side note about the service industry in Denver. Every waiter and bartender I interacted with was overwhelmingly friendly, however, they also seemed to be overwhelmingly high, or at least accustomed to only dealing with overwhelmingly high patrons as they all operated in a state of “sluggish confusion.” This wasn’t always necessary a bad thing. One time I waited 15 minutes for a bartender to take my order only for him to then forget that I needed to pay for said drinks. I waited at the bar waving my debit card trying to remind him that our economic system isn’t a one way street but he was already too deep in his edible induced trance to give a shit. It makes sense that Colorado has a steep 25% tax on all marijuana products because it helps offset the loss in economic productivity that comes from their entire workforce being high as balls most of the time. Anyways, I noticed that the bar I was at had “Rocky Mountain Oysters”(read: Bull Testicles) on the menu and decided to order some as I thinking it could make for a great “Whoa That’s Weird” episode.
Somehow though, I ended up eating the whole plate before remembering I was supposed to film it. Imagine being so high that you willingly eat a full plate of bull balls without getting any content from the experience?? Not good! In case you’re wondering though, they weren’t bad at all. Tasted just like deep friend pieces of beef with a little bit of liver thrown in the mix.
Right before having to hop in an uber to the airport, I realized that I had also forgot to smoke the gram of “Bionic Goat” weed I had bought earlier in the day. I considered hiding it somewhere in Denver and having Colorado stoolies compete in a scavenger hunt to find it but when I tried thinking of riddles to use as clues I got a migraine headache. I decided to do the next best thing, which was hand it to the first homeless guy I saw with a funny sign. The winner had a sign that read “Weed Lost in Several Small Fires.” He was extremely grateful for my donation.
It was refreshing to finally meet a homeless guy that wasn’t just looking for money to buy crack/heroine but who knows what his future holds, people forget that weed is a gateway drug.
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