44) I Absolutely Bodied An Uber Driver Trying To Scam Me Last Night

Alright, so I’m not sure if everyone’s aware of this Uber scam that’s been going on recently, but it’s the dirt worst if you’re living in a major city like New York. Basically, these drivers will accept your ride request, and then do everything in their power to make you cancel on them. They’ll stay put, they’ll drive away from you, they’ll do it all. Because if you happen to cancel your ride request while the driver is “on their way”, they’ll make some cash off that without ever having to pick you up. Nate has written some blogs about it. It’s the fucking shits, and it’s just getting more and more common. Apparently we’ve got no system to fix Uber drivers that are not Uber driving. Great.

Last night, as Trent, Young Pageviews, and I were leaving the office, I decided to lighten the load on my commute and order myself and Slim Daddy Trent an Uber. I’ll be honest, I’ve decided to do this every day for weeks since my Subway stop shut down for construction. They were pushing it making me walk two blocks in this heat. Upgrade that to four blocks and I’m Uber’s most loyal customer. Anyway, I order an Uber, it says 5 minutes away. Dope. The little car icon on my screen didn’t move for a bit, but I figured, hey, it’s New York City – rush hour – probably just traffic. And my guy Vishal confirmed that.

No problem buddy. Get here when ya can. I’m a very understanding rider. This city sucks and I get that. I waited about five minutes, the car didn’t move a cunt’s hair. He messaged again.

I mean, this is really inconveniencing me at this point. I’m just sitting at my desk all packed up, double-strapping my backpack like a big dumb idiot. I was ready to just eat the cancellation fee (because I believed Vishal, foolishly) and try again. Maybe even grab a cab, I don’t know. That’s when his car starting moving, though. And moving in the absolute opposite direction of the Barstool office.

You see that little green patch that says “Madison Square Park”? Vishal started off his journey to me on the other side of it. You know, the side of it that the Barstool office is on. It was at this point that I realized I was falling victim to an Uber scamming, and man, I was not happy about it. I gave Vishal a chance to leave this little contract we had (a contract that stated he would pick me up when he said he would pick me up), and asked him to cancel the ride.

Another five minutes passed. Nothing from Vishal. I sent another message, this time, a bit more assertive. Just wanted to let this punk bitch know I was in on the scam he was trying to pull here.

A THUMB’S UP. Nothing else. And by “nothing else”, I mean a cancellation didn’t come with that thumb’s up. I wait another few minutes, giving Vishal the benefit of the doubt and thinking, “Maybe he’s driving and he doesn’t want to get into an accident so he CAN’T cancel right now. At this point, YP had seen enough, and he said I was being too nice to this scamming punk bitch. He took my phone, and called Vishal. And you wanna know what Vishal said when he picked up?

Yeah, I do as well. You wanna know why? Because he didn’t pick up. Fucking despicable. So I send a simple message his way: “Cancel.”

Pretty straight forward, and yet, five minutes go by…and…nothing.

At this point I’m so livid that I leave the office with YP and Trent. I’m gone. No longer where Vishal was “going to pick me up”. And I’m hailing a cab. But also refusing to cancel.

I decided it was time to intimidate the fuck out of Vishal and let him know that I ain’t playin. I ain’t a tourist here in the city for a few days who doesn’t know how the world works. You’ll never drive another passenger ever again if you don’t cancel this trip, Vishal, because I certainly ain’t cancelling.

That prompted an IMMEDIATE cancellation from Vishal, and the rest is history. Trent and I got a cab back to our apartment.

Now, if you made it this far into the blog, you may think, “This is quite the anti-climatic ending, Bob! You wastin’ our time here or what?”, and you’d be justified. I’m sick and tired of motherfuckin’ Uber scammers in this motherfuckin’ city, though, and I want you guys to join me in being the spark that’ll light the fire that’ll burn them down.

Oh god no, fuck, no – I’m sorry. I don’t want you to physically burn any vehicles. That was the wrong file. Just wait them all out, and let them know you’re in on the scam they’re trying to pull. Do not get pushed around by these pansies.

That’s all I have to say about that. Fuck you, Vishal.