Friday Homestretch/AFTP

Markets higher today.  Energy and Tech best performers, while Consumer Staples and Healthcare lag.

No real surprises out of Powell’s speech earlier, and no breakthroughs in latest trade talks between US and China.

Two notable underperforming retailers: Gap Stores and Hibbets both lower on Q2 results.  GPS down 10% and HIBB was 30% lower at last check.

Similarly (but exactly the opposite), two tech names, Autodesk and Splunk made new 52 week highs… Each up ~15% on good earnings.

On a sad note, I get texts every now and again from guys giving me updates on people who have either been laid-off or have died, and 9 times out of 10 I don’t give a shit about either.  Not that I wish unemployment or death upon anyone, but I have my own problems, so updates on people I barely knew or liked when I was trading are a waste of air.

However, I got news yesterday that a guy I did a fair amount of business with over the years had passed away, and it hurt to hear.  He was always a gentleman in a biz that didn’t promote gentlemen.  He had a great sense of humor in a biz that put many a stick up many an ass.  Since I left Wall Street, the culture has seen the number of good people in its ranks dwindle, and they now have one less.

RIP, Greg Gryllakis.

Speaking of death, I got a little dark with the Rosemary Kennedy thing this morning… Apologies for that, but when a dad lobotomizes and then abandons his kid, it always gets my goat.  People were quick to criticize, even though I am well aware that other members of the Kennedy clan have done some wonderful things.  Congrats to them, but the fact remains: The dad was a scumbag.  Convince me otherwise.

I closed this morning’s blog saying I wish Joe Kennedy Sr is in hell right now “choking on the devils dick.”   And now I can’t get the chorus from that Guns N’ Roses song “Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door” out of my head.

“Cho-cho-choking on devil’s di-i-ick!”

Had a special guest on Barstool Breakfast today… Rear Admiral, the host of Barstool’s Spittin’ Chiclets podcast, which dropped it’s latest episode earlier today.  At one point I thanked RA for coming on the show and he replied, “No problem, man.  Your show’s hotter than a baker’s ballbag.”

I like that, and I am going to use it going forward.

Ass From The Past

Today’s girl is brought to you by Willie Colon.  Last Friday, we chatted about AFTPs on the air when Cameron Diaz’s impressive knock-list came up in conversation, and he recommended this broad be my next subject.

Full disclosure, I have never been a fan of this girl for no other reason other than the fact that I never watched her show.  Nonetheless, I know she has stirred many a teenage loin, and I am just dizzy trying to imagine a young Willie Colon watching Saved by the Bell with the sound off.

It’s Kelly Kapowski… Tiffany Amber Thiessen.

You know I like gifs, and I especially like gifs that have Pauly Shore in the background.

The more I dig around on this girl, the more I like her.  She’s a 44 year-old mother of 2, who has been happily married since 2005.  She at one time dated Beverly Hills 90201 co-star Brian Austin Green (who I think is still married to Megan Fox), and the 2 were introduced by David Faustino, who played Bud Bundy on Married With Children… That was a very 90’s sentence to type and this is a very 90’s picture to post.

Mario Lopez kinda has butthole eyes.  Amiright, Chaps?

As I pour over Tiffany’s bio, the only chink in her armor is she dyed her hair blond and starred in a movie directed by that creepy pedophile cocksucker, Woody Allen… Other than that, I have nothing negative to say.

Maybe the sexiest tidbit for a fat fuck like me- In 2015 she started hosting her own show on the Cooking Channel called “Dinner At Tiffani’s,”  which I have watched on more than one occasion, and it isn’t terrible.

And finally, her allure reaches much further than Willie Colon’s meaty grasp, as both NBA star, Chris Paul and marginally talented white kid, Justin Bieber have both publicly professed their nostalgic lust for TAT (her initials), who I now see was hotter than a baker’s ballbag.

Welcome aboard, sweetheart, and you’re welcome, Willie.

Take a report.

-Large